40 lessons learned

Well I'm 40 today.  That means I've been training now for about 26 years.

That's a long fucking time to be doing this shit, to drop my Captain Obvious statement of this post right out of the gate.

So in "celebration" of my most dreaded birthday ever, here are 40 things I think I know about training at this point.

1. Training heavy is overrated for strength.  This doesn't mean training heavy doesn't get you strong, or has no place.  It doesn't mean that at all.  It just means you don't have to train heavy all the time to get stronger.  In fact, if you get an average of the intensities used in the most prominent of strength systems, it's between 68 and 72%.  Yes, you can get really strong using intensities that low for the majority of your training, and not feel beat to shit all the time.
2. If you ever want to get great at a lift, you better learn to love it somehow.  Most of the lifts we are shitty at is because we dread doing them.  Your emotionally "buy in" to a lift counts for a lot.
3. Train to get the most return on your investment.  I read a shitty article a while back about how you want to do as much as possible in order to grab that small percentage on your return.  In training, there will be a point of diminishing returns in regards to more time and volume in the gym.  It's better to spend 3-4 hours in the gym each week for 95%, than 8-10 hours in the gym for 100%.  Even more, you won't get that 100% because doing more than you're capable of recovering from generally means you get less than the 95%.  If that makes sense.  Find out what is efficient and optimal.  Not what is overdone.
4. There are no absolutes.  I used to be very dogmatic in my thinking.  Most people believe that if something works very well for them, then it has to be the very best way.  After all, they wouldn't be using it if it weren't "gospel".  But the fact is, there are so many ways to reach your goals and over time, you will probably have to use a myriad of them.  Be open to ideas, but also be aware enough to know when someone is selling you bullshit.
5. There are no truly dangerous movements, for the most part.  Only movements done improperly or incorrectly for your leverages.  Then they can become dangerous.  
6. Mobility has become a very overrated aspect of training.  If you need 30 minutes of foam rolling and mobility work before you can even warm up on squats, it's time to quit.  
7. If you have a lift that's been stuck for a very long time, and your technique is dialed in, then you simply need to get bigger at that point.  
8. Sleep and water intake are incredibly underrated in regards to recovery.  If your sleep has been shit, and your hydration levels aren't fulfilled, then training is going to suck.  People need to make those bigger priorities.  
9. There is no magical steroid cycle that is going to turn you into something your body cannot be.  There was only one Arnold or Ed Coan.  You have to have the genetics in place to actually respond to steroids in order to fully take advantage of them.  Lots of guys use big cycles that don't lift much or look like much.  Fact.  
10. You can get a long ways on the basics, but for complete development you're going to have to spend some time training all the little things too.  Arms, calves, rear delts, etc.  Often times, it is your secondary and tertiary movers that are holding you back once a big base has been put in place.
11. Women need more work than men.  Women have fewer muscle fibers, especially in the toros than men.  They often respond much better to more volume than men because they aren't generally strong enough in toros strength to stress recovery reserves.  
12. Women also tend to get jacked on bodyweight movements more than dudes do.  This is because bodyweight movements tend to offer enough resistance for a much longer time than it does for men.  Women can get beastly on just chins, push ups, and chins.  Where dudes that are awesome at those tend to be much smaller.  
13. The deadlift is not a PULL.  It's a push off the floor, then a pull from the knees.  I wish I had really understand this concept years ago.  Then it wouldn't have taken so long to get 7-hundo.
14. Pressing movements are generally "maturity lifts".  They take much longer to develop than squats and pulls because the lower body is generally more "ready" to respond to squats, front squats, and various deadlifts.  
15. Pressing movements tend to have better carryover to each other however.  Where if you want to get better at squats and pulls, you tend to need to actually do those lifts.  Incline pressing, bench pressing, and overhead pressing seem to give each other a boost.  So with pressing, you don't need to be quite as specific.  
16. The internet is both a blessing, and a curse.  There is so much good information out there to help someone get better, but there is also so many dumbasses dishing out shit that it can get difficult to navigate through at times.  I feel bad for a lot of noobs that already have a problem overthinking shit.  Maybe they would be best served getting off the net, and spending more time in the gym?  
17. If you're worried more about what squat shoes to buy than what your diet and programming look like, then it should be obvious to you why you aren't making progress.  
18. Most people don't do enough back work.  And deadlifting alone isn't enough.  I have no idea why people think that deadlifting is enough.  It's not.  
19. People in search of more muscle mass often miss out by not concentrating on the eccentric portion of the rep.  That's where growth lies.  Slow that shit down.  
20. People overcomplicate the shit out of dieting, or eating to gain mass.  I have no idea why.  It seems very straightforward to me.  
21. Most people love new trends because they believe they are missing some secret that has been eluding them from achieving their goals.  There is literally nothing we don't know at this point about gaining mass, losing fat, or getting stronger.  The main ingredients to getting better are not getting injured, being consistent, and making sure all of your bases are covered in regards to recovery.  
22. It's not about IF you get injured if you keep lifting, but when.  
23. When you do get injured, make sure to do a complete rehabilitation process.  I know so many guys that keep injuring the same area because they rush back into training maximally too quickly.  
24. There is no magical "routine".  This annoys me so badly.  "I saw this routine the other day.  Do you think it's better than the one I've been on?"  Stop looking for a magical routine.  It doesn't exist.  
25. Routines are only as good as the principles they are made up of.  If you understand a certain set of principles, then you can create routines for days.  You just need to understand how to implement all of this principles so that there is proper synergy within the routine.  
26. Success leaves clues, but so does failure.  Generally, arriving at a successful destination means "fail - fail - fail - fail -----SUCCESS".  If we are lucky enough to find success early, that's great.  But failing will also build a lot of knowledge if you understand the reasons something failed.
27. The best way to really develop a physique you are aiming for, is to set performance goals.  Instead of thinking about developing a bodypart, find the movements that work that bodypart the most efficiently for you, and create goals to hit with them.  As I've written many times before, your function creates your form.  
28. Anyone selling you a "secret" or "new trick" is bullshitting you.  Walk away.
29. The 80/10/10 rule - 80% of the workouts you will have are just "getting the work in" type.  10% will be awful, and 10% will be awesome.  Believe it or not, it's stacking up tons of those 80% sessions that mean the most.  We can't always explain the reasons for shit workouts or awesome ones, so consistency is what matters.  And getting the work in, over a long period of time, is how you stack a lot of bricks to build a big base.  
30. Just because someone is jacked and/or strong doesn't mean they have a clue about training or nutrition.  Yet I see so many guys now that think because a guy can lift X amount of weight, or has 22" arms, that he has to have the keys to the kingdom.  It's just not true.  
31. On the flip side, anyone claiming to be an expert, I believe, should have some "go" and some "show".  Just my opinion.  
32. Most of the people I see that can't lose fat, can't because they are lazy.  And lazy people are always full of excuses.  
33. If you ever accomplish anything significant in your life, there will be people that will hate you for it.  Expect it.  
34. Emotional and life stress will often rob you of progress in the gym.  If you don't learn how manage what is worth stressing over, and WHEN it's appropriate to stress over it, then expect your life and gym time to suffer.  Ruminating over problems when you can't change anything serves no purpose.  
35. Be realistic in your goal setting.  If you just pulled 500, don't talk about pulling 600.  Talk about pulling 515.  
36. If you plan on competing for a long time, be fine with adding a few pounds to your lifts here and there.  If you can total 1500 and add 75 pounds to your total each year (25 pounds per lift), then you're totalling 2 grand in about six and a half years.  It doesn't always work out that way, but the point is, be ok with adding a little bit here and there.  Over time, it all adds up.
37. I still haven't figured out a legit reason to completely max out in the gym.  With that said, I still do it every now and then.  I guess the legit reason is because we do feel the need to test ourselves now and then.  But it should be very few and far between.  Train, don't test.  
38. Most dudes are fatter than they realize.  Everytime I read where some guy is going to drop 25 pounds and to 12% bodyfat I laugh.  Especially guys who haven't done it before.  They almost never realize how fat they really are and how much weight they are going to have to drop to actually get reasonably lean.  
39. Learn to understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.  One is there to help you, and one should be discarded.  
40. Patience and belief are still the cornerstones in regards to reaching your goals and fulfilling your aspirations.  Without them, you will quit, or sell yourself short.  Be willing to walk the road for a long time, and often times without anything manifesting itself in the way of results.  Believe to an almost unhealthy degree, that if you just keep taking small step after small step, big things will arrive.  

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My article at T-Nation on agonist/antagonist training

Enjoy!

http://www.t-nation.com/workouts/arnolds-agonist-antagonist-training

Mountain Dog - LRB seminar in the land of down under

If you're in Aussie, we're coming to you guys.

Total sleep, circadian rhythms, and melatonin

Anyone that has followed my blog or writings knows the demons of insomnia that have plagued me.  I sometimes have long periods where I have trouble getting to sleep, and/or staying asleep.

Of course, every Joe Blow that has ever had a few bouts of insomnia then offers up their suggestions without understanding, I've tried them all with mild to zero success.

Or so I thought.

A few weeks ago someone sent me an article on a breathing method that I put into effect, and low and behold, I went to sleep within minutes after using it.  In case you never saw it, or haven't heard of the 4-7-8 breathing method, here it is.....

http://www.byrdie.com/how-to-fall-asleep-fast


After I liked it on the LRB Facebook page, most people reported back that it worked.  Some said it did not.  Because I am not there in a labcoat and glasses to monitor their 4-7-8 technique, I can't say for certain if it didn't work for them because they did it incorrectly, or because it just didn't work.  I believe these type of breathing patterns have been shown to have a profound effect on relaxing for sleep, but maybe some people just don't want to fucking relax.

But aside from this breathing technique, I've actually spent more time lately studying on poor sleep behavior and I actually found a lot of interesting things that I have began implementing to help me sleep better.

And because I am a nice guy (unless you read about what a douche bag I am on the net somewhere), I thought I'd share my findings with you....

Circadian rhythms/clocks -

I don't plan on boring you with a bunch of shit about circadian rhythms and clocks, but let's just say fucking your circadian clock up is a bad thing in regards to getting sleep.  So I will keep this simple.

The circadian rhythm is an internal 24-hour “clock” that plays a critical role in when we fall asleep and when we wake up.  When it gets dark, your body releases more melatonin and signals to your body that it's time to go to sleep.  When the sun comes up, melatonin production drops and it signals to your body that it's time to wake the hell up.

This is proven through science; thus we know scientifically those people that think they are vampires are really full of shit, and suffering from nothing more than reading too many Ann Rice novels or too much bulk watching of True Blood.  

Restful sleep generally comes back to something as simple as making sure that your circadian rhythms are functioning normally.  Sounds simple enough, right?  

Well, wrong.  Especially in the modern world.  

The internet and cell phones are essentially fucking up a lot of people's circadian rhythms.  You see, that screens you keep looking into a major cause in screwing up your circadian rhythms.  

LED screens and televisions emit what is called "blue light", and blue light is the most disruptive light in regards to regulating melatonin output.  In fact, light in general can disrupt melatonin output.  Your body needs the darkness for the pineal gland to function normally.  Remember, I kept this simple.  Your circadian rhythm is established via dark and light.  So when it's dark, your body releases more melatonin.  When it's light, it reduces melatonin output.  

Check this............

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21552190

Melatonin concentrations after exposure to the blue-light goggle experimental condition were significantly reduced compared to the dark control and to the computer monitor only conditions. Although not statistically significant, the mean melatonin concentration after exposure to the computer monitor only was reduced slightly relative to the dark control condition.

It reads that the melatonin concentration wasn't "significantly different" however for the person suffering from insomnia night after night, it could very well mean the difference in falling asleep, and being up all night thinking about how they need to get their tires rotated that week, and what color they plan on painting the living room walls.

So this comes back to something as simple as manipulating light and darkness in your life, right?  And by light and darkness in your life I'm not talking about what side of The Force from Star Wars you lean towards, or your chocolate preference.  

Literally, how much light you expose yourself to in the evenings is playing a role in your body's secretion of melatonin.  Oh yeah, and how little light you have coming in, in the morning, will play a role in waking up.  

So in order to make this simple, it's all about light manipulation.  Well, that's the first part.  The other part is literally learning how to turn your brain off in the evening, and simply relax.  

The good news is, both can be done by you, but you have to be willing to make sleep a priority over the net, texting, emails, and that episode of The Bachelor you recorded last night that you've been waiting to watch.

Resetting your circadian rhythms and melatonin - 

So to get this out of the way, let's establish first that you shouldn't be living your life taking melatonin on a regular basis.  By regular basis, I mean every night.  

The purpose of taking it should be to get your circadian rhythms in order.  Such as jetlag or because your sleep has been fucked up lately.  If that's the case, simply taking melatonin won't do it.  As I noted in the study before, staring at LED and blue light screens before bed is actually going to diminish both melatonin released by the body, or melatonin taken orally.  So if you take melatonin to get to sleep, but find that it does not work, it very well could be because you're short circuiting the effectiveness of it by being online or texting.

Let me also add that there are people who don't appear to produce melatonin as well as others, like elderly people.  So it could be that you may need to take it more often if you have trouble resetting your circadian rhythms.  However again, if you do the right things to get your shit in order, taking it should be few and far between.  

So how do you put all of this together to find yourself back on the path to natural and restful sleep?

1.  When to take melatonin and how much - After going through quite a few studies, I found that taking it an hour before bed is NOT best.  It's actually between 2-6 hours.  Yes, as many as six hours before you want to go to sleep.  I haven't experimented with taking it that far out, so let's call it between 2 and 4 hours since that seemed to be the norm.  So if you would like to fall asleep by 11, take it between 7 and 9 o'clock.  Remember, it's to prepare your body to get into sleep.  It's not like taking a sleeping pill where you pass out 15 minutes after it's metabolized.  How much?  Depending on circumstance, between 1 and 5 milligrams.  Let me add a caveat here.  It's generally going to be 1mg most of the time.  3-5mg might be taken to help overcome something like jetlag.  Otherwise, it's 1mg.  Not 3.  

2.  Make your house dark a few hours before it's time for bed - This means turning off as many lights as you can handle.  I don't know why people have all the lights on for most of the evening anyway.  I actually like to light a couple of candles and turn most of the lights off.  Unfortunately because most of my work is online, I'm short changing that process by looking into the fucking laptop at night.  Which brings me to #3.

3.  Turn off all blue light devices a few hours before bed - This means no TV, no internet, and no texting, etc.  The old adage of reading a good book before bed really does work.  If you like to draw, or write, or paint, do that.  Using just enough light to accomplish the task.  But no more.  

4.  Open your shades to let the sun in - That's right.  You're not supposed to black out your fucking room so you can sleep in all day.  The body needs light to establish a normal circadian rhythm by reducing melatonin.  And sunlight is best in that regard.  So open your blinds and let the sun in so that this happens.  If you don't think this is the case, then think of all the times when you slept in a blacked out for 12+ hours and were still tired all day.  You obviously got enough sleep to not feel tired, so why do you still feel sleepy?  Because you didn't have a normal and healthy reduction in melatonin to help establish that circadian rhythm.  

5.  Establish this as a pattern - No different than dieting or training, getting quality sleep requires a pattern of behavior that must be repeated.  It may take a few nights of going through these motions to get you back into a normal sleeping cycle.  But sleep is the most important recovery tool you have at your disposal.  So make it a priority to do these things in order to take full advantage of it.  

6.  Use the breathing technique to get the mind to relax - Even if all of these other things are in order it's possible you may have shit going on in your life that make it feel impossible to "turn it off" so you can actually fall asleep.  Use the 4-7-8 breathing technique to get your mind and body to relax.  I also recommend picking up some "Natural Calm" (it's a magnesium powder) and drinking it about half an hour before bed.  This will also help your mind and body relax.  Combine that with the breathing technique and you should be good to go.

Bonus point - 

If possible, bang it out - After sex, men especially, release a cocktail norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide, and the hormone prolactin.  Prolactin levels are naturally higher during sleep, and animals injected with the chemical become tired immediately. This suggests a strong link between prolactin and sleep, so it’s likely that the hormone’s release during orgasm causes men to feel sleepy.

Women release hate, anger, and rage after sex and wait for us to fall asleep so they can think of ways to kill us as we are helpless.  

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How not to screw yourself when dieting

A few thoughts on how not to sabotage your diet when you're trying to lose fat -

Not weighing your food - I have no idea why people are so fucking lazy they avoid doing this. Especially for the first few weeks until you can sort of "eyeball" your portions. An extra ounce of nuts every other meal could mean the difference in an extra 1000 calories for the week. For your calorie dense foods like red meat, nuts, and oils, it is imperative that you be precise in measuring. If you're too lazy to measure your food, then you're probably not too serious about your fat loss either.

Weekend binging - I may do a long article about this in the future but basically, your entire week of adhering to your diet can be undone over the course of the weekend if you're still not being strict. The weekends make it more difficult for some because of going out, family gatherings, attending social functions, etc. This doesn't mean you can't "live", and enjoy some of those foods, but a lot of people have no idea of portion control in those situations. What's the point in dieting all week if you destroy all of your efforts every weekend?

The reward system/cheat meals - I've harped about this before, but it's a big one. I have especially seen this in females. The whole "I did my cardio all week and didn't cheat so I deserve to treat myself." That's fine. But treat yourself within REASON. I think the cheat meal has become the most overrated piece of shit in dieting advice. The fact is, you don't need one. If you need one for a mental break then understand that turning a cheat MEAL into a cheat DAY may have the same effect as the weekend binge. Also, I have no idea why someone needs a cheat every week. You can't stay on a diet longer than a week without breaking from it? From my own personal experience, the longer I went without having a cheat meal, the faster I lost fat. When I kept it in on a weekly basis, progress was much slower. I would suggest setting a goal like "lose X amount of pounds before I have a cheat meal." That or a longer timeline, like one cheat every 10 to 14 days. You don't need one every 5 days for damn sure.

Not counting all your macros - You'd be surprised at how many calories you sneak in with shit you aren't counting. Like bar-b-q sauce or alcohol. I told a client a few weeks ago "whatever food or drink goes into your mouth has to be accounted for." That means if you're slathering a sauce all over your chicken or steak, check the label. A lack of progress could be because you're using a lot of sauces and over the course of the week these are adding more calories than you are accounting for. Same for drinking alcohol. It counts.

Not eating enough - The main reason I am listing this one is not because of what you think. It's more about cravings and binging. Too few calories can be self sabotaging because it can cause significant binge eating when the body signals to you that you BETTER FUCKING EAT. I think anyone that has dieting hard for long enough has had that hunger urge so strong that it felt almost impossible not to cheat and eat 14 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If you are dieting, you will probably be hungry at times. But if your calories are too low the cravings could get too strong to be ignored. Remember that fat loss and body recomp shouldn't be something you're planning to do in 2-4 weeks. Make sure you have an adequate time frame to allow it to happen gradually and systematically.

Depending too much on cardio - One hour of walking at 3.5 MPH for a 200 pounder only burns about 400 calories. That's one piece of cheesecake. So one piece of cheesecake can undo an entire hour of walking at a brisk pace. The body is made to be energy efficient. It doesn't expend a lot of calories to perform, so calorie dense foods can undo your movement efforts very easily. It's easier to NOT EAT the 400 calories, than to exercise for an hour to get that deficit. Cardio or various forms is a good idea as a SUPPLEMENT to aid in fat loss, however it should not be something you're heavily dependant on.

One thing I tell people is that if you plan on dieting or hire a diet coach, measure your food, eat ONLY what is listed, and then make adjustments as you go. If you don't do it EXACTLY as prescribed then how will you know what you really need to change if it's not working?

"A Meathead's Thoughts..." now on Kindle

Check it out.........

http://www.amazon.com/Meatheads-Thoughts-About-Relationships-Stuff-ebook/dp/B00SINACEA/ref=sr_1_7?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1421847942&sr=1-7&keywords=paul+carter

You can never outrun a train

This past week the fitness industry lost a long time icon.  Greg Plitt.

If you don't know who Greg Plitt was then you're probably some fat powerlifter who thinks anything that isn't related to building strength is stupid.

Plitt graced the cover of about a million magazines back when information by print was the primary source of knowledge building.  He was also a former Army Ranger and if you saw the movie "Watchmen", then Dr. Manhattan's big blue penis body was actually Plitt's body used in CGI.

So yeah, he was pretty well known in the fitness industry.

He apparently decided that he should drink some energy drinks, and try to outrun an oncoming train.  The thought process, from what I gathered, was that the energy drink was so powerful and potent, that much like Superman, you could outrun a locomotive.

Let me say that, it appears from all I've read and looked at, that Plitt was a pretty decent guy.  By decent I mean, I didn't find anything on him that outlined a sordid past of drug abuse, or killing hookers in back alleys.  In this day and age, simply "being" without causing harm to others is the minimum default for being decent.  I'm literally not taking a shot at the guy in any way.  I'm saying, he appears to have been a solid individual, and all around good guy.  I could be wrong.  I never hung out with him.  But I'm going off of what I can "see".

When I heard the news, I was in Wisconsin doing a seminar with Brian Carroll.  Brian and I were both confused as all I could gather at the time was that he got hit by a train.  I didn't know if he was in a car, or what.  Initial reports hinted at suicide, but apparently it's more tragic than that.  And by that I mean, he lost his life doing something really stupid.

And yes, that is tragic.  Because it could have been altogether avoided with just a little bit of logical thinking.

Before I go on, let me preface this now with the fact that just because someone leads a good life, and is a decent human being doesn't mean they are exempt from criticism, even in death.  Especially if their death were completely avoidable by simply NOT doing something stupid.  So let's get this obvious statement out of the way right now.

Trying to outrun a train is very stupid.

If this had been Joe Blow, people would have made jokes and said "Darwin award winner" and other such things.  But because Plitt was well known, and good looking, and had a great body (no homo) and lead an interesting life, people want to act as if it's in poor taste to say what he did to cause his death was stupid.  So here.......

IT WAS STUPID!

Listen, if he had been parachuting and his chute didn't open, then that is one thing.  If he had been bungee jumping and the cord broke, that's not stupid.  That's unfortunate and untimely to me.

But if you decide to, for example, lay down on the interstate at rush hour and get ran over, that's stupid.  It's stupid because it means you literally refused to infuse logic into your decision making, and lost your life because of it.  Just because you die from a choice, doesn't mean that choice isn't stupid.  It doesn't mean the person was stupid.  They could have been a genius.  But the choice itself, was a stupid one because of the potential consequences involved.

I could sit down with a kid right now, and go "look, this guy decided to outrun a train and got killed.  How stupid is that?"

And my guess is, a young kid would go "yeah, that's stupid.  Don't do that."

But I have other thoughts about this as well.  So rather than belabor that point, I digress.

Where were his friends?  Where were the people who might be able to tell their friend "hey man, this is not a good idea.  Out running a train is really just, well, it's stupid."

Where were those people?  I do believe there were other people there, so I assume they were his friends.

I'm going to take this entire incident and apply a lot of things metaphorically to it.  So bear with me.

Enablers - 

I've written about enablers before.  Probably many times.

And enablers are literally the worst fucking friends you can have.  In fact, they really aren't friends at all.  They are the people that tell you getting in front of a speeding train is perfectly ok.  That it'll be cool, and that you're awesome, and you can do this shit.  Because enablers, at their core, don't know how to be honest with you.

They don't know how to tell you, that you're the one fucking up in your relationship.  They are the ones that tell you "she's just being a bitch, man.  Fuck her."

"He's just an asshole.  You're the catch here.  Cut your losses and move on."

Those things could be true.  Or maybe you're the asshole or the bitch.  And maybe you've surrounded yourself with people who don't love you enough to sit back and say "you are the problem.  Look at all the problems you have, and you're the central cause of it."

Because they are afraid they will lose your friendship over it.  And it's possible that might happen because you are too weak to accept constructive criticism.  I know, because I've been that person before, and been too weak and insecure to listen to the wise words being spoken to me.

True friends, the ones that love you, tell what you need to hear, and not what you want to hear.  They are the ones that help save their friends from alcoholism by saying "you need help" and refuse to drive them to the liquor store.

"Well I do it because he will just get a ride from someone else."

Hey, thanks for making excuses for your OWN shitty behavior.  Awesome way to justify what you're doing instead of being honest enough with yourself that, as a friend, you should care about the other person enough to simply say "I won't be a part of you killing yourself."

True friends are the ones that do their best to make you accountable.  They better you.  And if you're a true friend, you better them.

True friends don't sit idly by and watch their friends step in front of the various speeding trains that will go by in life and say "it's ok, you can outrun it."

They tell you, "don't do this.  The risks far outweigh the rewards."

In life, to get big you have to risk big at times.  But a good risk is mostly calculated.  You check the bungee cord for integrity before you jump.  You make sure the parachute is packed correctly before you get in the plane.

The sad part to me is, with all his fame and fortune, Plitt didn't have a single person there that could tell him that getting in front of a speeding train wasn't a good idea.  To Plitt apparently, it was a good idea.  And whoever was there, went along with it.  This is indeed conjecture by me because I don't know all the circumstances.  But that's what it looks like to me.

How many friends do you have in your inner circle that you can trust to tell you to stay out of the way of these speeding trains?  Believe it or not, you may not have any.  There is a saying that goes "if you wake up in the morning and run into one asshole, they are an asshole.  If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole."

Do you have the kind of people in your life that will tell you when you're the asshole?  I honestly don't think most people do.  I have seen so many enablers in my time that I understand why some people keep making the same mistakes over and over again.  They believe that they can outrun the speeding train barrelling down the track at them, and all of the people they hold near and dear to them, tell them they can do it.  Then they wonder when they incur so much loss in their life. And why it keeps on happening to them.

Why do so many things fall apart?

Why do I keep finding bad relationship after bad relationship?

Why am I never lucky?

Maybe it's because you keep making the same stupid decisions over and over again, and don't have anyone in your life that loves you enough to tell you to stop?  To give some tough love and just say flat out "stop being a fucking idiot."

Being introspective enough to understand what is truly our fault and what isn't can be monumentally hard at times.  Putting the onus on oneself means absolving everyone else from ridicule and blame.  And that is very hard when your life is in shambles.

But if things are ever going to change, or get better, the very first step to success should be a safe one.  Not one taken in front of a speeding locomotive.

RIP, Greg Plitt.


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