Sunday, November 20, 2011

Pre-fucked diet dieting - How to take advantage of your Thanksgiving massacre

It's the week of Thanksgiving.

That means pain-in-the-ass in-laws for most married people, other peoples asshole kids running around, going back and forth between families and houses to make everyone happy, and intentionally sabotaging your diet.

A picture of bullshit

Fear not comrades (see how I worked some Russian into Thanksgiving for no reason at all?), I can at least present you with a way to work that intentional carb-coma into your diet that will work in your favor.  Especially if you have been busting ass and working hard to rid your body of that shitty extra layer of adipose that you have been duped into believing you need for lifting big weights (which is a whole different article).

Intentional Glycogen Depletion - 

Even if you have been eating "right" which means limiting carbs after lunch and only using low glycemic carbs (or if you have been doing a keto or paleo style diet) when you do eat carbs, you will need to take the next few days a step further and deplete carbs as much as possible.

You will also need to get your ass out of bed early this week and go on a steady state walk for about 30-45 minutes first thing in the morning, with only coffee or water as your beverage.

Drop any HIIT or interval work for the week.  I've touched on this before but doing interval work isn't really any different than lifting.  Treat it as such.  You don't lift on an empty stomach or without having some kind of fuel ahead of time.  Treat interval work the same way.  Doing anaerobic work after fasting is an awesome way to self-cannibalize muscle tissue.

This isn't the week to worry about pushing the conditioning envelope.  This is about using a carb super compensation effect for the day of Thanksgiving so that it works in your favor, and you can pig out as much as possible.

So let me lay out the 3 days of pre-Thanksgiving training so you can go full belly blast Turkey day and end up looking better after it.

Diet and Training Mon, Tue, Wed - 

A.M. 30-45 minute walk at a crisp pace

Breakfast - 5 whole eggs and bacon or sausage

Lunch - Shake in water with peanut butter

Snack - Shake in water only

Training - Train as usual

Post-Training - Shake in Water

Meal - Steak or Dark Meat chicken or Repeat Breakfast

Before Bed - 20-30 minute steady state walk

Snack - Shake in water again if need be

Repeat the above for three days.  You don't have to push the envelope as far as weights go either.  Get in, get some work in, and get out.

Thanksgiving Day - 

Wake up early enough to do your steady state.  Yes I know, this day may feel jam packed but 20-30 minutes out first thing in the morning isn't that big of a fucking deal.  Excuses are for pussies.

Post-steady state, have a shake.  Wait another 2 hours or so, then have another shake and get your workout in.  Try to make this session as long and as hard as possible.  I don't mean you have to lift heavy as possible, I mean train as hard as possible.  Reduce rest time between sets, go to failure, do some strip and drop sets, and drag this shit out as long as possible.  Or you can just pick a big lift and do as many fucking sets as possible.  I try to train for about 90-120 minutes.  Usually it's squats, and I just squat and squat and squat and squat.  

If you time shit up correctly, you should go hit the shower and be ready to eat within an hour or so.  At that point, destroy anything and everything you can for the next 4 hours.  I mean hit it hard.  Steal shit off granny's plate, tell the creepy uncle who went to prison 2 times to get bent, that you're carb deficient and he better get his ass in line behind you less he wants to get shived.........again.

My advice is to hit the carbs first.  Get some turkey of course, but you want to shovel in the carbs and as much of them as possible.  All the cranberry sauce you can muster.  All of the brown sugar coated sweet potatoes you want.  Pumpkin pie?  Eat a whole one.  Eat a whole apple one too.  That's totally 'Merican in every way.

Now go lay down and pass the fuck out.

A carb coma to be proud of

You should nap for an hour or so and wake up and pound the protein.  As much as you can.

I also suggest digestive enzymes during this time as your stomach will fucking hurt and you will fucking fart all over the god damn room for the next 8-13 hours.

The Day After.........

The day after spend the first half of the day fasting.  Your leptin levels will be high and you want to take advantage of this by having a big negative caloric intake.  After lunch resume "normal" eating.  You may look or feel bloated or puffy as hell.  This is normal.  Don't fret.  You could also just look really fucking awesome if you carb depleted heavily enough.  Usually I find I am a bit bloated however.

The day after the day after........

I usually wake up feeling pretty damn sexy on this day.  I have a nice fullness and the bloat is gone.  It's too bad that the weather always sucks here in the midwest during this time.  Otherwise I'd be running around in a banana hammock on this day asking people for directions.

Anyway this is the little routine I have come up with after several years of knowing I want to eat as much as I want during the holidays but not get fatter.  It works extremely well so use it your advantage.  Everyone of you should come out of the winter looking like a jacked fucking mongrel beast that is ready to fight and fuck his way to awesome.  Not like a big tub of shit that bleeds eggnog.

Mmmmm, eggnog.  


  1. Paul, I live in Australia and we don't even celebrate Thanksgiving but I fucking loved this post! I'll be applying this approach to my Christmas eating for sure.

  2. so...walking? are u serious dude?

  3. 1 million thousand bodybuilders can't be wrong.

    Yes walking. Walking is far more awesome than people realize. Easy on the joints, burns fat, keeps the heart healthy, helps lower blood pressure, does a million and 1 awesome things.

  4. You're spot on with walking, it is the MOST underrated best thing you can do for the entire body inside and out, reduce DOMS, rehab, and the list just goes on. Good post Paul.

  5. Hi Paul, on Christmas, in my country, we usualy eat and party same as you do for Thanksgiving but for almost 3 days. What approach do you think is better for this situation ?
    Tkx, Marius

  6. Same, just enjoy your 3 days of eating. Fast half the day on the fourth day.

    What I would do is, train hard all three mornings so you're doing like a carb backload each time.