Sunday, September 25, 2011

Thoughts about life, crap, training, and stuff

Senseless Loss -

I found out this past week that a great friend of mine killed himself last December.  He was a sparring partner and combatives training partner with me for years.  I feel beyond awful for not knowing of his passing for this long but his cell was all I had.  I called for months and months, obviously to no answer.  Then one day when I called his cell service had been cancelled.  Our fight instructor told me that he had "fallen off the face of the Earth" which was unusual because this guy was in to train like clockwork.  Then all of a sudden one day, nothing.  "He's never returned an e-mail" he told me.  I should have put it together then but I didn't.

I'm angry and sad at the same time.  I know by the time that people work themselves into really going through something like that they are in a very dark place, and the last thing they are going to do is pick up the phone, but as a friend you feel so helpless in this situation.  That you would have done anything to help them, and I would have.  It's so crazy to me because Mark (my friend) was LITERALLY the happiest guy I have ever known.  His smile lit up a room and he had an upbeat energy about him that was contagious.  He was one of those people you loved to be around.  He was also a guy that trained hard, and made you better.  I wish things like this never happened, that people would think for just one minute about the pain they will inflict on the people that care about them.  But as I noted, by the time people get into a place that dark, it's probably not something they care about.  I will miss you Mark.  A great friend and training partner.  Rest in peace brother.

Warrior -

So I went to the movies and saw this with my fight guy, and I we both gave this flick two thumbs up.  Who knew some actor (Tom Hardy) could build such awesome traps?

But outside of that, the movie was first rate in every way.  Nick Nolte probably did the greatest acting job of his career, and Hardy's counterpart, played by Joel Edgerton, was fantastic in his role as well as big brother.  And his wife was hot too (just for the eye candy factor).  The movie hit home with me in some ways and I mostdef had to hold back on being a big cry baby in the middle of the theater but I managed somehow, and will end up taking the better half to see it real soon.

UFC 135 - 

This card sucked I thought.  Two heavyweight fights that go the distance?  And does Ben Rothwell have pics of Dana White humping a dead monkey or something?  There is no reason that he and Mark Hunt should be on the card.  Put that shit on the prelims if they have to be.

Matt Hughes needs to retire.  Matt has a legacy as one of the greatest buck-70 guys all time and has nothing to prove to anyone.  I hated to see Koshdouche win and can't wait to see him get destroyed again by anyone/anything.

Retire dude...

As far as the Jones/Page fight goes, I know everyone will be back on Jones crotch but I actually came away less impressed after this fight.  One thing Rampage was right about with him, the dude can't bust a grape.  Jones doesn't have a single KO to his name since he's been in the UFC.  I know he finishes fights but he is most definitely lacking power.  He hit Rampage square in the face several times and Page never flinched.  Now, I may be being unfair to Jones because Rampage does have one of the best chins in all of MMA, but when you kick someone in the face with a front kick and they don't even move, that says a lot about your power, or lack of it.  I will also say that I lost some respect for Jones when he got in trouble and literally ran away from Page, to the other side of the ring.  That's a bitch move.  I think the fight with Rashad will be more trouble than people think because Rashad's wrestling is very good and Jones will struggle with that.  But that reach is always going to an issue and I personally think that is the reason why people are having so much trouble with Jones and not really because of his ability.  His arm and leg length are giving people fits right now but when someone cracks that code he's going to have to figure something else out.  I think Phil Davis may be an even bigger threat once healthy.

Life in General -

The suicide of my friend really drives home my theory about life.  Stop worrying about the things you can't change, and if it's something you can change, then don't worry either.

"The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered, 'Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived,'"

I don't know that I can sum up my thinking about life any better than that.  I'm not saying I don't fall into the trap of thinking about future plans sometimes, but it's rare now.  If you live each day at a time the right way, with integrity and honor then the future will take care of itself.  Worry about the RIGHT NOW, not about things you can't do anything about.  

With that said as well, I have reached a point of forgiveness with some people in my life that wronged me, and that I wronged in return for it.  I'm no angel.  Generally in the past, if someone fucks me, I will fuck them back 10 fold.  But the truth is, this really isn't how I need/want to live my life.  If you are successful in any facet of your life you're going to have people who are jealous of that success and talk shit about you/wrong you.  Even people you think are your friends.  But instead of going the extra mile to do that, what I believe is needed is to go the extra mile to take the high road.  Then what can they say?  What can they do?  With every hateful and jealous word, it just looks bad on them.  When you end up lashing out you justify their words.  The very thing you are trying to avoid.  

I'm glad those people have found happiness in their life again.  Even if they are never a part of my life (which I would never want) I do not want to live with animosity and bitterness over things I can't change.  You have to let those things go.  And I have.  Feels good man.  


  1. Sorry about your friend, man. I know how frustrating a situation like that can be.
    It can be tough to understand and it's hard to fight off the "what if's" at times.

    Also spot on about taking the high road. I find the older I get the easier it is to just let shit like that go. Let 'em talk if they must. I figure the people that matter already know what kind of person I really am anyhow.

    Cheers, man!

  2. Chin up fella - sorry for the loss, just remember the good times you shared. You are very right, sometimes you can fall so deep into a hole there just seems no escape.

    Good post.

  3. Paul

    My heartfelt sympathy about your friend. About 17 years ago I lost a good pal who took his own life.He was part of a crew that worked out every dinner time at the gym in the Max Security Jail where we worked.
    Just like your pal he had an inner light that shone bright but couldn't share the thing that made him take his life. The lasting memory I have is of 400 Max Security guards stood crying at his funeral..............that was the depth to which he touched people.
    Even today I think about him, especially when I hear the music he used to fetch to the gym......he was the training music maestro!
    Just remember often we meet people in our lives that have more meaning than we know at the time. Cherish his memory and take solace in that he is now at peace.

    Tony B (UK)

  4. Really sorry to hear of your loss.

    I went through the exact same scenario in May - my first lifting partner (actually the guy who convinced me to join a gym) killed himself. Same thing, he was always happy, he lit up a room.

    I had fallen out of touch with him, but since his suicide, his wife and I have been talking a lot. Turns out there was a lot of darkness, but no one ever saw it. He was apparently getting some help (was seeing a therapist and was on some meds).

    I, too, would have done anything to help him, even after falling out of touch... but he never reached out. There's nothing I could have done, and nothing anyone could have done. I'm sure the same is true in your friend's case.

    I'm still pretty pissed at him, though.

  5. Tom Hardy is going to be Bane in the Dark Knight Rises movie.


  6. Tom Hardy is the new 'it' guy. Check out his breakout movie Bronson. It is a one of a kind performance and totally different from what he has done in America so far. He will also be the new Mad Max in their reboot 'Fury Road'.

  7. Hi PC. I'm also sorry for your loss. I think one of the reasons that we are often clueless as to why these things happened or where they came from is because the person in question may be happy when in our company AND because when they aren't happy they'll fake it so as not to let us down or bring us down. And this leaves us wondering what we could have done to help our friend or why we didn't see it. It's also one of the reasons why I disagree with suicide.

    You have my sympathies.

  8. Thanks Paul. I agree, you don't always know when someone has some dark passenger they are dealing with and the troubles it/they/things may be causing. So while Mark was always happy when I was around him, I know he was obviously dealing with some things that took him to a very dark place that he couldn't find his way out of.

    Thanks for the words.

  9. I've had issues with depression most of my life, Paul. I waited way too long to go on meds. Nobody but my late wife and family knew of my dark place. Sorry for the loss of your friend.