Monday, May 23, 2011

Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse - Part 1

There is a saying now about science and fiction.  And it is that there is no more science-fiction.  Its either being created, or will be in the near future.

Well, I believe the same can apply to a zombie scenario.  We have chemical weapons that are top secret and we have no idea what the fuck they can do/are capable of.

But rest assured I promise you there has to be a zombie chemical weapon.  It makes too much sense, and far too many movies have been made about it.  So where there is smoke, there has to be the undead.  

So lets talk about a possible zombie situation shall we?

Zombie Abilities -

First off, I think that movies like 28 Days Later and the remake of Dawn of the Dead got it right.  Zombies won't be these slow walking "brains" moaning limp dicks that you could outrun on a razor scooter.  No, I believe that zombies, like the living, would be able to run and jump, climb, and do normal shit people can do.  Now figuring out anything above a 1st grade level?  No way.  But, I have been around some smart 1st graders so keep that in mind.  Point is, a locked door should be enough in terms of house protection.  However if they come in masses, you better have more than a standard door with a dead bolt.  

I do think that their speed, strength, agility would be diminished in comparison to that of the living.  But at least they won't ever have to worry about deloading or suffering from CNS burnout because they have been chasing the living too much.  I think their CNS got fried FOR REAL.  

Maybe his CNS is fried from being chained up too long

I also like the theory in The Walking Dead, that the zombies can smell the living and can in fact communicate with other zombies in some kind of way.  In other words, they don't eat each other because they recognize each other as in fact, god damn zombies.  This theme is repeated in every zombie movie, so it has to have some truth to it.  Zombies know zombies, and zombies know the living.  If you are the living, they can spot you like the paparazzi can spot Paris Hilton.

Initial Outbreak - 

Ok if you are lucky enough to be in an area where news reports get to you before the zombies do, there are obviously some things you need to get in order right away.

Make the decision to stay or leave -

If you are going to stay its important to fortify your building/home, gather food, water, and weapons.  After that medicine like antibiotics should be atop the list.

Once these things are taken care of, its also important to have an exit plan in case you are overrun for some reason.  If you are in your home and have a garage your car is probably going to be your exit strategy.  If you drive a Prius or Smart Car or any other small environment friendly vehicle that gets good gas mileage, you deserve to be eaten for such nonsense, and I hope you and your green hippie friends die slowly and the Zombies start the eating at your feet.  If you drive a large car with maximum horsepower or a giant SUV or truck, you sir are the man and should be just fine.  Just open the garage doors and head on out, smashing zombies along the way.

If you don't have a garage then it will be very important that you devise some kind of zombie clearing strategy, equip yourself with protective clothing, then make haste once the clearing strategy has been implemented.  This clearing strategy can be Molotov cocktails, homemade bombs or an explosion of any kind like propane tanks or such.  For this reason, its also important to keep your car as close to your exit door as possible.  If you can use the car as a blockade device then that's a double rainbow bonus.

Won't see a lot of zombies out here

Marking your house/building is also certainly a good option in case rescue/sweep teams come into your area.

Benefits of staying -

You don't expose yourself directly to zombies by being out in the open travelling
You know your environment very well, including the benefits and limitations
You know your supply limits and can plan for rationing to a degree
Chance of being rescued and being safely evacuated into a safe zone

Drawbacks of staying -

Limitation of food, water, and medicine
Chance that you are noticed/found and risk being overrun
Chance that you will not be rescued and moved into a safe zone and are suck without food, water, or medicine and are forced to leave

If you are going to leave, you had better make sure that your destination has not been overrun or that getting there has become impassable.  And it better be a hell of a safe haven.  You are risking everything to get there, so it had better be worth it when you arrive.  A military facility is usually a hot spot, however there are issues with this as well.  There will be a whole mess of people evacuating to military facilities just like you are.  And with more people means a higher percentage of an infected host entering with them.  This is often why military bases become overrun as well.  Not because they could not fend off the zombies, but because they get overrun from within.

My own personal advice is an area where people are scarce, you have a constant water supply, you are protected by the terrain and environment, and can build or fortify a shelter there.  To me, camping grounds inside a park near a creek or river is an ideal place.  From there your environment would dictate to you proper escape plans, however simply crossing a wide creek or river via a line is enough.

People have lived and live in the wilderness and thrive just fine.  That's without a Starbucks or a Wal-Mart.

Benefits of Leaving -

Possibility of long term shelter, food, water, and life
Getting out of more heavily infested areas (if you are in the city for example)
Hooking up with other survivors that aren't infected and increasing strength in numbers

Drawbacks of leaving -

The risk of travel and exposing yourself to infection
Lack of situational awareness for where you are travelling to
Hooking up with other survivors that are infected without your knowledge


  1. haha great post paul. Funny I just saw this from the CDC:

    A lame attempt to educate people about emergency safety. They didn't even include a shotgun in the necessary supplies. Your guide is solid. looking forward to the next part.

  2. Obviously proper weaponry will be an installment.

  3. the book 'The Zombie Survival Guide' is a must.

  4. Awesome! I was expecting a zombie outbreak last saturday as they had announced the apocalypse to be that day. I'm glad it didnt happen because i was not prepared properly.

  5. Make shelter is a fortified place in a very snowy place so the zombies freeze.
    And remember that shooting a gas tank doesn't mean boom unless you happen to get a spark with your bullet and a cigarette might nott be enough to sttart a fire. Learn the difference between movie physics and real physics.

  6. I never said to shoot it did I?

    Shew someone is taking this seriously!!!

  7. The apartment I live in is very close to a Veteran's Cemetery, so I made some of these preparations this past weekend in case the Rapture happened. Always good to get more information though, so post away!

  8. Gotta go with the AK and several 100 round mags. It is a solid gun, doesnt jam, and will shoot even when soaked in zombie brains.

    After that, a pair of .45s on your side with multiple mags, and maybe a .30-30 or lever action .32 on your back. Every deer I have ever killed was with a .30-30. Excellent gun.

    I would stay away from the shotgun. Even semis dont hold that many rounds due to the choke. However, if you can get your hands on a Striker or one of those bad ass AA-12s, you will be in business.

    Might help to get your hands on some gun powder, cannon fuses, and metal pipes. Would be good to take out a few at once.

  9. If the CNS were somehow independent of the motor system, sure. But you aren't going to magically see a 700 lb lifting CNS without a 700 lb lifting musculo-skeletal system, so the example isn't relevant. The CNS, whatever adaptations it has, doesn't develop independent of muscles; this is the point I've been trying to make to you.

    You're right about most of the CNS fatigue being nonsense, but it's not any more correct to write it off as bro-science and make an argument just as bad.