Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Thoughts about life, training, crap and stuff

Movies - It was a weekend of nostalgia.  I watched a couple of old ones, and a new one.

Revenge of the Ninja -

So I watched this movie this weekend.  Or as much as I could stomach.  This movie was a fave of mine as a kid.  As an adult, well let's just say it falls short.  Like micro penis short.

I'm stealing this review because it pretty much reads exactly how I would write it and points out every stupid thing about this flick.

Walking around in full daylight, no one notices this guy

It opens with the massacre of Cho's family who must be taking part in a reality TV show where you pretend it's the nineteenth century. Evil ninja's for no reason that is revealed, slaughter everyone. Cho returns with his American pal (never revealed how they hooked up) Braden who has a fetish for opening art galleries and is trying to convince Cho to come to America. Ninja senses alerting him, Cho goes tearing into the evil Ninja's who politely queue up to get sliced and diced. Braden being the respectable art dealer he is, produces a colt 45. blows away a couple of ninja's who stand out in the open looking to be shot by a entrepreneur. Cho's infant son (Kane) and non- Japanese looking mother still live. Braden seizes the opportunity and badgers Cho about the gallery idea again.

Jump to America years later, we know this by first seeing the American flag and then a caption beneath that says "united states". We have an obligatory fight scene with Cho's (now piggy looking) son who defends his right to wear a bright pink pullover with some bullies who despite outnumbering him, being bigger than him, and getting some choice hits in, still get their ass kicked by this pint sized ninja wannabe. Cho seems to have prospered and has a dojo in his art gallery and even a blond bimbo with fake tits who fights in her stockings (she is Braden's girl, kind of). Braden is using the artwork to smuggle heroin in what must be minute quantities since it's inside small Japanese dolls. In a masterstroke Braden puts these dolls on display to the public. Braden is partners with the stereotypical mafia who have no fashion sense, (even for the 80's), give each other back-rubs (shudder), most of them look like they've been recruited from the local retirement home. Braden and the don squabble about business that ends with Braden threatening the Mafia for screwing him. You see Braden IS A EVIL NINJA (it's never explained how he learned to be Ninja).

Braden goes on a mafia-killing spree...dressed as a ninja in broad daylight.

He kills a guy in the toilet in less time than it took for him to duck in the stall and put on his ninja costume. Seeking information on the killings and high finance crime the Don asks a tramp in the middle of a busy street. The tramp is dispatched by a shuriken in the eye. Where Braden threw the star from (as passers-by tend to notice a guy dressed in black pyjamas and a silver skull mask) is unanswered. The Mafia Don, (now sporting a cowboy hat) has had enough and sends a white/red Indian and some goons to steal the drug dolls. The police are investigating the strange killings and one cop (who couldn't act his way out of a soggy bag) asks Cho for help. 

Cho being the concerned citizen tells them to bugger off and runs out to buy another beige pullover. Meanwhile Chief robbing-Bull and the goons have cleared out the gallery, Cho catches them in the act and a fight-scene ensues. The bad guys in this film can soak up massive amounts of punishment, still come back and produce weapons out of nowhere (like two tomahawks). After dragging Cho through two states with a van, the bad guys escape. Braden sensing his blond bimbo may not be loyal, leave's her in the care of a leering sumo sized child molester who has always wanted a blond bimbo of his own. Braden arrives at the gallery in Ninja garb, but disturbs Granny. Granny then tackles the intruder by morphing into a stunt woman but ultimately gets gutted by Braden. Killing grannies is hot work, and Braden suddenly has a compulsion to take off his mask, but pig boy Kane is up on the roof for no apparent reason. Sensing someone has seen him Braden looks up and sees Kane, but can't catch him.

Braden returns home to find the rapist he left his Blond bimbo with is trying to rape her, so he kills him. Using his magic fluorescent eyes Braden hypnotises the bimbo into capturing Kane. Meanwhile Cho discovers Granny impaled to the wall. The cop who can't act invites him to check out some ex-cons who hang out at a children's playground. The extremely camp looking ex-cons don't take kindly to being asked questions by a bad acting cop and a tiresome fight scene ensues. Meanwhile the hypno-bimbo has Kane who after failing to subdue him by laying into him with a metal pipe, simply carries him away. 

The blond bimbo gives Kane to Braden who has hired another leering deviant (who refuses to wear a shirt, but really should). Braden and the henchman inexplicably leave the room letting the bimbo have easy access to a phone. Bimbo calls Cho and spills her guts about Braden only to be discovered. Braden has seen too many Bond films and instead of cutting their throats, sentences Kane and Bimbo to death by sauna and Jacuzzi. Braden realising the Mafia has his drug dolls goes off to the mafia headquarters. Cho gets out his Ninja gear, extra eyeliner and heads off to fight Braden. Both Braden and Cho make the mafia their bitches and end up fighting one another on the roof. After exhausting 50 weapons each (including a flamethrower up Braden's sleeve), Cho triumphs while his ugly kid and the bimbo escape to be reunited.

This movie made me laugh hysterically the whole time.  I wasn't feeling well over the weekend so I watched this shit and I felt better.  The wife was studying for finals during it and kept stopping to ask "what the fuck are you watching?  This shit sounds retarded."  

Good times.

8MM -

I haven't seen this film in a long long time.  It came out in 99 and I think I might have seen it one other time since it came out.  

This movie was far more sad than I remember.  To think about some young girl being murdered on film "just because" and the awfulness around it.  I really enjoyed Cage in this film because to me, he acted exactly like I think I would.  Mainly from the wanting to know part.  He just couldn't get his head around it.  He needed to understand why a bunch of grown men would film a little girl being butchered.  And by the end he was full of hatred and rage over it.  This to me, seemed very believable because I woulda bashed Tony Soprano's head in full pistol whip style too.  

Yeah there were a lot of things in this movie that could have been done better but it wasn't about that for me.  Sometimes a movie just falls into your personal bucket.  You know it isn't a top flick but something about it just strikes a chord with you.  That's how this was for me.

127 hours - 

I really liked this flick a lot.  They didn't spend too much time on a bunch of nonsense, they pretty much got right to it.  And James Franco was about as perfect as you can get in it.  No over acting, he wasn't overly dramatic, and he came across as a guy you would probably know and like.  It is brutal in a few scenes and is one of the few movies that made me go "Holy shit, OMG!  Shit shit shit!" and curl up into a ball.  You'll know what I'm talking about if you watch it.  

Not a lot to write on training.  I am getting over some kind of virus and felt like shit all weekend.  To top that off, I slept wrong Sunday night and woke up yesterday with my neck so jacked up I could barely move all day yesterday.

I have my first teenager in the house.  My oldest turned 13 this past week.  It's amazing how fast life goes by after you have kids.  I mean where in the hell did 13 years go?  

Does anyone squat to depth in competition anymore?  Even more importantly, do feds red light high squats anymore?  If they do, I haven't seen it in a while.  I see some shit passed now that makes my head swim.  Oh yeah you can't judge depth with a video.  My bad.  

I don't know that there is anything more pathetic than watching a friend squirm and cry and go into the fetal position over a girl that left him or a break up.  It's pathetic.  Go through the pain and hurt, but have some dignity about it as you do.  

Sorry this isn't a long one.  As I noted, virus put me out of commission for a few days and zapped me of any humor.  Will do some pipes tonight and cardio.  Next week training gets taken up a fairly big notch.



  1. yes I saw a guy post hes going to squat 900 in comp and his last training squat was a super high 800
    so gonna check out revenge of the ninja now

  2. speaking of movies from 1999. Check out the 13th Warrior!

  3. I love that movie! one of my faves.

  4. "Does anyone squat to depth in competition anymore? Even more importantly, do feds red light high squats anymore?"

    Here is David Ricks being called on squat depth (2 reds) a couple of weeks ago at the USAPL Masters. It was damn close. Guy is a beast and it was a honor being on the same platform...


  5. Funny you should mention that about depth considering an article elitefts ran recently about the dangers of forcing lifters to go too deep!


  6. I know, that article blew dog balls.

    Scott - What a beast. I dunno man that looks like a good squat to me, but I don't have a problem with a fed calling it close. My problem is like guys cutting shit REAL high and it getting passed because of numbers on the bar. I think it dilutes a good total because now some guy that CLEARLY cuts say, 725 high but gets it passed, can say he squatted 725 when in the fed just enforced their own rules it wouldn't have passed.

  7. I've seen plenty of the high squat videos you're talking about Paul. Shit is embarrassing. I'm amazed at the depths certain lifters/federations will defend those lifts.

  8. I think a lifter defending a squat he knows is high is just as pathetic as the fed passing it. Fucking weak sauce.

  9. I have to do this because Revenge of the Ninja is friggin' AWESOME! I get that it's some wonky 80's flick with silliness gallore, but that's not the point.

    When I watched that movie as a child, I got so excited that ninjas existed that I decided to become one. I started taking karate, bought ninja books and weapons and used to run around my neighborhood at night in my sweet ninja outfit throwing weapons at stuff. It was awesome! It was back when life had magic in it. When you could leap over a 25' fence and pull a 2 1/2 twisty flip and stick the landing all from a STAND STILL! (Sweet move during the van chase), when you can scale a building with your hand/foot spikes on and no one notices because you are a MOTHER F'IN NINJA!! Sho RULES!

    Fast forward to today: no magic, no ninjas. Sure it's still cool to be alive, but it would be cooler if you could be a badass ninja.

    Check out Ninja Assassin for some cool fun and Sho himself.

    (Yeah, yeah I am an adult thinking life would be better with the freedom and magic of childhood coupled with the wonders of naked ladies. I guess that's what being a trust fund baby must be like.....)

  10. Are you kidding Matt, I loved this movie as a kid. As an adult it still brings me joy. Just in a different way.

    And I saw Ninja Assassin at the movies just so you know.

  11. Whew! Everything is ok then.....we can be ninja buddies. I didn't want to break out my gear and kick off the roof top tennis court battle.

    I too saw it at the movies. I called out of work to enjoy it.

  12. I actually spent a whole summer studying ninjutsu up in Oregon.

    Anyone dare say I'm making it up, go ask Rob Bascue of Northwest Bujinkan. Here is his link...