The last couple of weeks have been filled with some moments of bliss, sadness, confusion, joy, and angst. Such is life sometimes, and these times test our mettle, patience, and reveal who we are and what kind of integrity we are made of. Thus the saying "hard times don't build character, they reveal it." I've dealt with the loss of a good friend, cancer surgery for my father, and emotional pendulum swings from people I love and hold dear to my heart. In my younger years, I would have a lot of anxiety and frustration because you feel so helpless in these situations. And a lack of control gives birth to fear, and fear gives birth to anger. But no longer. Do I still feel frustrated? You bet. But I do a better job of keeping my emotions under control than I used to.
It is still difficult however, when you deal with someone you love or care very much about that has trouble seeing the forrest because of the trees. I don't know that there is anything more frustrating than talking to someone and trying to explain something you KNOW to be true, but they can't accept it because in their mind they have fears that cloud logic. It is their reality, but it's not really reality at all. It's like being scared of the boogey man in the blackness. Your mom or dad can reassure you that he's not under the bed, but it doesn't matter. The fear still grips at your heart and paralyzes you. You can't sleep, you can't relax. All you can do is pull the covers up over your head and pray you live through the night. Then the morning comes, and you realize all the fears were unfounded.
This is a microcosm of how some people live life. With the covers pulled up high over their head, unable to breathe, unable to relax and think about the comforts of their bed or hear the whispering of the crickets outside, or drumming of the rain on the roof. They are so obsessed about their fears that those fears become reality because they WANT them to. It's all they can think about. Then life passes them by, and one day they wake up realizing all of the things they missed out on because they were afraid of something that was never REALLY real.
The most frustrating part of this is being the mom/dad and trying to convince said person that they need to let go of these fears and just live for the good things that are already presented to them. As my status this week on Facebook read...
"Time spent worrying about what you CAN or CAN'T have, is time lost appreciating what you DO have."
No matter how many ways you phrase this or give examples, some people refuse to let go of their fears. I don't know if it's a self punishment thing, being stubborn, or a combination of the two.
I once worked with a guy that I fixed up on a blind date with my wife's friend.
I told him she was a man eater. And that she would try to bust his fucking balls the whole date. Not to let her. Don't let her dictate the evening. She will try, and if she wins, she will get bored and lose interest in you. I told him this shit all fucking week. But the date came, and she made him change the eating plans, the movie plans, and the post movie plans. A week later she shrugged him off after the second date and was done.
"I fucking told you not to do that."
"I know but I thought I was appeasing her and doing the right thing by being nice."
God damn, this still infuriates me to this day. I spent the whole week talking to this retarded asshole, telling him EXACTLY what was going to happen if he didn't man the fuck up, and not let her railroad his ass. He did not listen, and the outcome was exactly what I told him it would be.
I hate when I can see the outcome for people, and spend energy telling them this will happen because I've seen it over and over again, and they think they are unique. They think they are special.
"You can't tell me that. You don't know my future."
Maybe not, but I can get ballpark 9 out of 10 times. I'm a damn fine judge of character too, and if I've seen a behavior 10,000000 times, I am going to bet that the odds of it repeating itself on 10,000,001 are pretty solid. But stubborn people always want to go out and learn the fucking hard way.
"The difference in the fool and wise man is, the fool learns from his own mistakes while the wise man learns from everyone else's."
This is one of my favorite sayings because it's so true. No one REALLY asks for advice when they encounter trouble. What they do is seek affirmation that what they WANT to be true, really is. This is why people seek out close friends and want them to justify what they think. Not what they NEED to hear. Because most close friends just tell them what they want to hear.
I am guilty of this as well, as we all are. Thankfully I do have a very good friend who no matter what, tells me what I NEED to hear and not what I WANT to hear. And I ALWAYS take his advice and do what he suggest. His advice has never failed me, and I am thankful for his friendship and guidance.
Sometimes the toughest road is the right one, and sometimes it's the wrong one. And there isn't always one way that wins over the other. Sometimes logic is right, and sometimes letting things just flow is right. You can't really always know. But having solid council that is not emotionally attached to the situation and doesn't always tell you what you want to hear is a good place to start. Shit, telling a complete stranger is sometimes better than asking your friend or friends because they are emotionally involved in your life as well. They may think they know what is best for you based on the relationship you have with them, but the fact is unless they are capable of being impartial, steer clear of those mother fuckers for advice.
Training is going good.
Keep your chin down bitches, otherwise you will get knocked the fuck out.