Monday, March 12, 2012

Darksidin’.......obsessions..........PART 2

“I could do that if I took roids too.....”

Ahhhh, the good ol “I’d be that strong if....” statement.  I call this the mating call of the Internet lifting loser.  He’d be world champ if he only used that guys cycle.  

Here is a wake up call to that.  No you fucking wouldn’t.  

No amount of gear will turn you into Stan Efferding or Chuck Vogelphol or Ed Coan or Arnold if you don’t have the genetics, ability to handle that much shit (later in this article) and testicular fortitude to get there or surpass them (and no one is surpassing Coan).  

These kinds of comments are usually muttered by some asshole on youtube “benching” 455, but won’t show up for a meet, and has no squat videos but claims he can squat 625 rock bottom.  

Or by some kid whose entire existence is strife with jealousy and bitterness because he can’t measure up to something he so badly wants to be.  His entire existence revolves around trying to take someone down a few pegs so he can convince himself that he measures up to them in the bizarro world that he lives in.  

You are living in a dream world if you think that you can just run a cycle and all of a sudden be something special.  It doesn’t work that way.  I know lots of guys on big cycles that I am stronger than, that even outweigh me.  This isn’t a put down on them, or me propping myself up.  The message I am getting at here is that you have no idea how you will respond to these drugs, and more times than not, the big picture is, while you do get bigger and stronger, you’re probably not going to become some world beater.  You need a base to start with.  

I liken it to guys who wear multi-ply gear that have no fucking raw strength.  If you can’t squat 400 raw at more than 200 pounds, then you have no god damn business being in multi-ply gear.  None.  And if you can’t squat 400 naturally, then you really have no business thinking about steroids.  A 400 raw squat isn’t a very difficult feat.  I’m not going to apologize if that hurts some delicate sensibilities.  

I'll even go a step further.

A 350 bench and 500 squat and pull is doable by virtually everyone that picks up weights for an extended period of time, that’s over 200 pounds, unless you’re like 6’6” or some shit.  These are good numbers for a raw guy, but they aren’t other worldly.  Put in a decade of solid training.  If you haven’t hit these kinds of numbers by then, maybe take up something else if your primary goal is to be a bad ass strength athlete.  

But if these are your goals, you don't need cycles to hit them. Just the fortitude to be consistent in your training and eating, and it will happen.
Get a therapist...........

If you have put in your time, and paid your dues and decide you’d like to venture to the darkside, you still have one more question to ask yourself.


If it’s because you compete, that’s fine.  At least that’s something.  Bodybuilder, powerlifter, highland games, whatever.  If you are competing at a strength sport then at least you have a reason is legitimate.  Your competition will be taking something.  You’re putting in your time and money to compete, so why not at least try to be competitive?  

If you have to turn to testosterone because you have legit hormone issues, like low test, then by all means do what you have to do.  

But if it’s to be the “big guy at the gym”?  Get a god damn therapist.  

I know assholes who take massive cycles to just go to bodybuilding shows and walk around so they can say they were the biggest guy in a certain square foot area, or in attendance.  

You don’t need steroids man, you need a massive amounts of psychological help.  

You are such a shell of a man, that you need to take years off of your life (let’s not kid ourselves here), go through tren cough, a swollen prostate, bacne that’d scare a pit bull off a maggot wagon, receding hairloss, tiny balls, nightsweats, anxiety, high blood pressure, elevated LDL’s, gyno, sleep apnea, erectile dysfunction, and all sorts of other shit, just so you can be “the big guy in the crowd”?

And you don’t think you have mental or emotional problems?

Get a fucking clue, Dick Tracy.  

Look, everyone that lifts wants to be something they are not.  Let’s clear that up.  So that no one thinks I’m just throwing people under the bus randomly, or saying I have no flaws.  I want to be bigger, stronger, leaner, etc.  But I’m not willing to do certain things to do that.  Mainly because I would have nothing to benefit from it, other than some warped sense of self satisfaction.  And my personal satisfaction doesn’t come from what I look like.  Could there be a more hollow existence?  I personally don’t know if something else beats that, but I think it’d have to be up there.  

This does not mean I don’t take pride in my appearance, or care how I look.  But I let my training dictate how I look.  My eating dictates how I look.  In other words, my function creates my form.  I train to be strong and be in shape.  This is what ends up creating what I look like.  I don’t train to look a certain way.  If I happen to look awesome, this is a great side effect.  

I’m also not shitting on bodybuilders here, because I admire the dedication it takes to do REAL competitive bodybuilding.  But don’t call yourself a bodybuilder if you don’t compete.  And don’t take bodybuilder cycles if you don’t compete either.  You’re a moron if you do.  Period.

The guy that balks at me writing this literally has no comeback for that either.  

“Who are you to call someone an idiot for training hard and taking gear?”

“Why are you taking gear?”

“To be bigger and stronger!”

“For what?”

“Just because....”

Please go eat a dozen poison dart frogs and please do not mate.  

“Just because” is not a legitimate ground from which to argue.  You’re the reason why sane people call us meatheads.  You have no legitimate reason for what you do other than, “just because”.  

“Just because” is akin to “everything happens for a reason” in that it’s another phrase people use when they don’t have a god damn intelligent answer to give.  

“Just because” is the shit you tell your kids when you have no reason for what you just told them to do.  

“Go clean your room?”


“Just because.”  

"Just because" is the answer a serial killer gives when someone asks him why he killed 47 people in the shed behind his house.  

They say "just because" because they know any reason they give, is ludicrous and absurd and cannot be justified with rational thought.
If you’re running mega-dosed cycles, and not competing in anything, just quit man.  Just get out of the game.  You’re a certified ass clown, and need serious emotional and psychological help.  

On the flip side....

Before I go too far in railing one side of the spectrum, I also want to point out the guys that run huge cycles, that do compete, that talk about how gifted they are, and how “not everyone can do this”, or how not everyone is as genetically gifted as them, or as pro-bodybuilders or whatever.  

Here is a little secret.  

One of the things that separates pro-bodybuilders from everyone else, is their ability to handle doses that most people can’t handle, and can do so for long periods of time.  Some guys will try to say this is a bullshit statement, but it’s been backed by guys that have retired from that sport.  

Those guys are not genetic freaks in the sense that, if they didn’t take shit they would still be huge and ripped.

Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.  Are you kidding me?  

They always point to Ronnie Coleman and say “Ronnie was natural as a pro, and was 215 ripped”.

Before and after Cell-Tech

This is true.  And Ronnie IS a genetic freak in terms of bodybuilding.  But Dorian Yates was hardly the pinnacle of mass and strength before he picked up a weight.  And you have no idea when he started running shit, so no one can say “well he was natural” blah blah blah, because there is no way to tell.  

What I can tell you is that, the biggest natural bodybuilders in the world aren’t much more than 200 pounds in contest condition.  And again, it’s not like their natural status isn’t in question sometimes.  

If you don’t remember a guy by the name of Frank Sepe, he went from up and coming bodybuilder, to fitness dude.

He went from this........

to this..........

Hardly the epitome of jacked and powerful in the latter pic in comparison to the first.  Yes he still looks great, but there really is no comparison. And what Sepe is in the second pic is attainable by most guys willing to put in the work for a consistent period of time.

If you wanted to take the time to look around and find more examples like this, it wouldn’t be hard.  

People talk about “aesthetics” in bodybuilding and how you can’t train for that, and how you need this and that genetically.  Give me a fucking break.  Jay Cutler wins Mr. Olympia’s looking like a pregnant cow.  So did Ronnie Coleman.  That shit went out the windows YEARS ago.  

If you can handle enough shit, you have a chance at going pro, or at least high level amateur.  Yeah, you still have to train and eat, but 2-3 grams of shit a week all combined, will turn the smallest of shit genetic dudes into a monster eventually.  If he can handle all the sides that come with that much stuff.  And most guys can’t.  And this people, is REALLY the “genetic equalizer” in bodybuilding.  

That and the ability to pay for it all.  I mean you don’t think that some of these guys do “gay for pay” because they just enjoy that shit right?  If you’re taking 25-50 grand worth of shit a year, you’re taking a LOT of shit.  

Even in powerlifting, I know guys that haven’t improved in years.  Who have been lifting the same amount, or in some cases even regressed, over the last many years.  Their solution to these problems are “how much shit can I run in order to get over this hump?”  I don’t get it.  How about change some shit in your god damn training?  Eat better.  You’re already taking enough test for 10 grown men, a lack of hormones isn’t your fucking problem.  And stop telling people what a fucking genetic superman marvel you are since you do take so much shit.  

You should not run so much shit that you can train and eat however you want, and make gains.  Training and diet should still be at the forefront no matter what.  No matter how much shit you take, if you aren’t looking at your training and eating first to fix a problem, then your mindset is completely wrong.  

I read where some guys say “oh I’m getting on a cycle now, so I’m going to change my training.”


The whole “you recover so much faster on a cycle” is a mantra that should stop being repeated.  

Muscularly yes, you do.  But systematically rest and recovery are still a factor.  Apply the same training principles you learned as a natural guy to your now enhanced self, and reap the rewards.  

If you got a problem...

“So what would you suggest I do?”

Max out everything you have naturally.  

This isn’t about weight on the bar.  People aren’t getting this.  It’s about learning.  The lessons you learn naturally are worth more than the ones you will learn on gear.  If you stay natural, and you take your squat from 300 to 400, you learned.  If you take it from 400 to 500 you learned.  If you take it from 500 to 600 you learned.  You learned more than if you just hopped on the juice wagon and rode it up there.  

If you need HRT, get on it.  

If you decide you want more, use the least amount to get the most results.  And keep shit simple.

If you don’t want to go the route of illegal use, research the pro-hormone stuff and make an educated decision.  Make sure you take stuff to protect your liver, make sure you keep your cardio up, make sure you eat clean, and do all the things you would do if  you weren’t on a PH.  Also limit the PH use to three weeks.  Some people say four, but my opinion is just three.  I have found that orals tend to taper off after about three weeks.  So you end up using for an extra week with nothing extra to show for it.  

Research PCT (post cycle therapy) and figure out what you should do.  The fact is, just because you ran a low dose PH doesn’t mean you need a god damn PCT.  I swear to god every fucking noob that runs a pro-hormone sweats more over the PCT than anything else.

Above all, be smart.  If you’re doing something and your reason is “just because” and you don’t have a smart reason for doing it, the answer should be simple. Don't. Before you do ANYTHING, take a long time out to do research and think about the different ways it could affect your whole life. Not just the time you spend in the gym.


  1. good read there, got a question about the big 15 the first week i did bench at 265x12(AMAP set) the next week hit it for 16, I progressed to the 3rd week where the weight changed and hit 285x11 I was wondering what your input was, because i set my max at 380 (i did hit this for a single and then i also hit 365x3 the set before, I did this to see where I should program) so i do not think I programmed it too high, I just thought the target reps for the first time of each 2 week "block" was 12-15, you know the program the best so I was wondering what you thought about that


  2. Second jpeg of Frank Sepe is not linking (403 forbidden error).

    1. Well trust me, he's not much to look at now compared to what he used to be.

  3. Excellent stuff Paul,

    I would venture to guess that most lifters that cross into the darkside are simply the ones that you describe that shouldnt be going on a cycle. They want the easy way to become "the most jacked guy in the gym" and have no intentions of competing, no intentions of putting in the extreme amount of hardwork and dedication needed to look like the guys they think they would look like just by taking gear. You can spot them at almost every commercial gym, and not because their physique is impressive.


    1. I see em in most big commercial gyms. Then if they get around to talking to me, they NEVER compete in anything.

  4. you listed my exact goals at the moment: 500-350-500. I'm a 6'7" 230lbs. Also have to stay relatively lean for firefighting. Great post. "my function creates my form" - will pass this one on.

  5. awesome reading, very informative

  6. "Give me a fucking break. Jay Cutler wins Mr. Olympia’s looking like a pregnant cow. So did Ronnie Coleman."

    funniest shit ever..haha

  7. So paul would taking whey protien at18not be a good idea?