Sunday, August 21, 2011

Getting Jacked - Part 1 - Testosterone

I've had too many months of writing about unnecessary wimpy bullshit.

Let's get back to the meat and potatoes of why all of us, yes every one of us continues to lift weights.

To move bigger iron and look like a fucking beast.

Testosterone -

Testosterone is the foundation of reaching beastdom.  There is no way around this.  If you don't have naturally high levels of test, your ceiling for beastdom is limited.  If you choose to go the synthetic route, your ceiling gets raised exponentially.

Not low on test, not watching chic flicks, not driving a fucking minivan
If you are worried about jail time/legalities and/or don't have a supplier, then the good news is OTC pro-hormones DO work.  The downside is, you need to find out which ones work and you need to be smart about dosage and how long you use it.

Let me state right off the bat, I don't give a fuck what any "board guru" tells you about orals, you do not run orals for more than 4 weeks.  After 4 weeks you get your blood work done, and if shit is cool, you can run a 4 week cycle again after 4 weeks being off orals.  During the time you use the PH, make sure you run Milk Thistle or some type of cycle assist supplement that is loaded with prostate and liver support.  My recommendation is Cycle Assist by Competitive Edge Labs.  You take 4 in the morning and 4 in the evening. That's it.

Do not use orals without it

I also recommend you do not exceed what the bottle tells you, no matter what said board guru tells you about "doubling the dose".  Jesus Christ people always overdo this shit.  The Chinese have used ephedrine for 1 trillion years but thanks to Korey Stringer and some high school fuckheads taking 27 times the recommended dose and dying, now ephedrine is the devil.  Do not explode your liver by being a complete fucktard and overdoing the dose.  The best PH I have used was h-drol by the same company that makes Cycle Assist.  I heard M-Drol was even better but never got a chance to find out.


If you choose to not go the illegal or legal route (and I am not endorsing either) then here are some ways you can increase testosterone naturally (but not completely scientifically proven) -

  • Eat lots of animals, dead or alive
  • Watch porn
  • Flirt with hot chics
  • Only date hot chics that makes your freakdar go off
  • Shoot big guns 
  • Root for the fucking bad guy in movies
  • Lift heavy shit
  • Wear more black
  • Trade in your minivan or clown car (Prius/Smart Car/Mini) for a gas guzzling, trim getting, muscle car or chopper/hard tail wtf ever.
  • Get a dog your home owners insurance doesn't approve of 
  • Play metal as often and as loud as possible
  • Watch as much fighting as possible, and learn how to fight
  • Stop giving a fuck about politics and the news
  • Quit worrying about every fucking thing in your life
Should be your problem solving motto

  • And biggest of all if getting jacked is your number one goal in life..........stay single
  • Read Jamie Lewis' blog Chaos and Pain , where he has covered all this exact shit much more technically/scientifically than I have here.
Like it or lump it, when you get hitched your test levels will drop.  This has been proven over and over again in scientific studies.  

If you want to Google for more you can, but it's cemented that once you get hitched the test levels are only going to plummet.  

Women want to find and keep a man.  That is how they are wired.  They will naturally drive your cortisol levels up, and test levels down.  Do you know what high cortisol levels do?  Makes you un-fucking-attractive.  

If a woman gets you, her job is to keep you, and she does this by making you more feminine.  Again, this isn't my opinion, this is scientific fact.  So if you don't want to put artificial substances in your body to combat the estrogen wave that comes from being hitched or with the same woman too long, stay single, bang chics, and you won't have a problem.  Otherwise, you know the solution.  

This is not an anti-woman rant.  I love my wife with every fiber of my being and she's the best thing that ever happened to me.  She's also stupid hot, lifts heavy weights, thinks chic flicks and minivans are for pussies, loves MMA and football, sends me dirty text messages, and is overall supremely awesome.  But she's a rarity.  

Men today are wimpier in regards to test than they were in the 1940's.  I personally blame the assholes who preach that men need to be in touch with their softer, gentler side, and prop up a "todays man" as some pussy in skinny legged jeans with a feaux hawk who couldn't protect what he owns or defend his woman if his life depended on it.  I mean do you see more Dan Henderson's or Adam Lambert's walking around these days?  Exactly.


...not a man

This is a "getting jacked fact sheet regarding testosterone" 101.  So if you're a single guy, and you really want to get as jacked as fucking possible right now, stay single.  If you already have a woman, look up the reports that show low test levels is linked to dying early.  Tell her if she loves you, she'll find the inner freak in her to avoid your early demise, stop watching chic flicks, trade in that god damn minivan for a 500 horsepower anything, buy you some guns for Christmas and tease you with promises of a threesome with her and her hot best friend.  Oh and then also add in either anabolics or a PH and the support supps.  

Like it or lump it, hormones are king when it comes to mass/strength/jacked potential.  You can train hard, eat right, and do everything you know you are supposed to do in order to get jacked and strong, and totally miss the boat because you don't have the physiological architecture to get the job done.  This is a sad fact of training.  

So how do you know? 

Get your blood work done.  I highly recommend it.  Tell your doctor that you want to know what your test levels are.  Top end naturally is 1200.  If you're running below 600 and you're in your 20's then shit aint good.  If you're running below 500 in your 40's, ditto and find some hormone replacement therapy as soon as possible.  

Over the next few weeks we're going to talk more about this, training, injuries, conditioning, and overall badassery/badassedness with zero bitchassness.  No more fuckin around.


  1. Thanks for the great info-
    Quick questions: When you refer to testosterone levels a guy should have, are the numbers you cited for total test or free test only? And are there any other hormonal markers we should be looking for?

    I ask because my insurance provider, Kaiser, won't do shit about low test because what they call "normal" levels go down to about 200. So even if I come in with a number like 300, they'll tell me I'm fine and send me packing. I'll have to have all the blood work done independently, so I gotta figure all this out for myself.

    Thanks in advance for whatever general info you can provide.

  2. The total test is what the doctor is going to look at but the free test levels are just as important. Make sure if you get blood work done he tests for both.

  3. Try eating at least 4-6 eggs per day, yolk included. More so in the evening as a snack. You'll be pointing at the sky in no time!

  4. Do you believe there is a specific age that prohormones/test should or should not be used at? Or is it more of a level of development thing?

  5. I think it's more of a decision making thing. People have no problem shoveling all sorts of terrible shit down their throat most of their life but then get all concerned about hormones.

    If I had to apply an age, I'll go with the usual drinking age of 21.

  6. i got blood work done, and my test came back at 600...they told me i was fine.

  7. What's your though on OTC Post cycle support vs. research chemicals?

  8. good stuff PAUL! ditto on the metal music, blasted some old iced earth today!


  9. 600 isn't that bad bruiser. Just make sure you keep the manly shit up so that it doesn't drop any.

    Anonymous - Unless you want to have kids don't cycle off. If you do cycle off, I think the research chemicals are fine. Depending on who you get them from of course.

    I haven't heard Iced Earth in forever Greg. Just for that I went and listened to Ten Thousand Strong.

  10. Paul, what do you think about tribulus and zinc? I take 1500mg tribu and 100 mg zinc a day. Don't know about my test level but I am bald and nervous, but weak like shit so I suspect the test-DHT conversation is f*cked... The tribu and the zinc is not a big deal for me, but in Europe I can't find a good prohormon. old methyldrol was good..


  11. Looks like FDA pulled the CEL line.

    Any other recommendations?


  12. Joe - Try e-bay or amazon. People still have it.

    Wood - If you are deficient it can help yes. If you aren't then obviously not. Most people are deficient in zinc which is why they tend to get a little boost from it. But I think it's more of a covering-your-bases type thing.

  13. thanks Paul. i have used Mdrol 2 or 3 times....and to be honest it sucks. it's just a superdrol clone. a lot of other companies still make them,unlike some other PH it doesnt need the body to convert it, it's already active. there were alot of problems with that brand...some people had good gains while others(like myself)got extreme fatigue and other side effects that made it impossible to continue to use it. my favorite superdrol clone is Super DMZ or Methadrol Extreme. they are both made by the same company, which i will not name on here. and both are legal. i love superdrol, but it can be harsh on the liver so like Paul said, always use some kind of cycle assist product or milk thistle. many users(including myself) have had pretty good results from these products. like 10-15lbs in 4 weeks, with little bloat or sides. sorry paul, if this was to candid.

  14. Nope. I appreciate any input on the PH stuff because I have no claims to be an expert on them.

  15. Paul/Bruiser

    No mention of any kind of post-cycle stuff in the article. Any input/recommendations?

    Dont know much about PH's, but something i've contemplated for a while.


  16. or....clomid 100mgs ED first week...then 50mgs ED for 3

  17. Is the PCT assist really enough? Most people online preach about using real pct drugs.

    Where the hell can i get clomid?


  18. Asking for source is generally frowned upon Joe.

    Just sayin.

  19. Should've realized. You can delete the post if you wish. Noob status.


  20. nope. Better to leave it so others know. But, if you want to look the "research" route you can find stuff legally online pretty easy. That should give you some hints.

  21. Ill bet that all or any OTC PHs are banned by the NCAA?

  22. I wouldn't take a chance in that regard.

  23. What would you run as PCT for H-drol?

  24. Just go with PCT Assist by CEL, since H-Drol is one of their products as well.

  25. Question:

    You say to supplement with PH cycles/AAS/whatever.

    My question is:

    Do you think your natural test levels (once they return after a proper SERM PCT, time off, etc) will be higher because you've "pushed the limits" sort of like progressive overload with strength training?

    Or are you relegated to always suck with chemical shortcomings and you have to wait to be 150% awesome every 8-12 weeks?

    You sound (and fucking look) like you have some first hand experience running multiple (varied types too) of cycles.

    Hope this is taken seriously, as I'm asking it seriously ...


  26. Natural test levels be higher after a cycle? No. Even if you care about PCT and all of that, there isn't any evidence to suggest pushing cycles would give you higher natural levels. If anything, they will probably end up lower.

    Why wait every 8-12 weeks? Unless you want kids. Just don't come off. I'm talking test only here.

    I use replacement doses of test (which is prescribed to me) and then use an oral. Usually something OTC because PH's are REAL. No bullshit.

    However the doses I take of anything are always low. If you are taking so much shit you can train and eat any way you want, and you keep getting better, then you're taking too much shit. Some people may not agree with that, but your training and diet should be dialed in and your "supplements" should be something you use the minimum of, to help you recover and repair. That's it.

  27. Paul,

    Thanks for the answer.

    Thank you too for explaining your position on it and what you're actually on -- so many guys just won't tell what they're actually doing -- which leads to a lot of broscience and in my opinion people not doing stuff right.

    I totally agree RE: supplements -- that's why they're named that damnit!

    Anyways, great advice.

    I'm still only in my mid 20's so don't think I'll go on replacement doses of anything yet ... but experimenting with OTC PH's sounds good for now.

    Thanks for setting the record straight.

  28. PHs are the real deal. I have stacked three cycles in the past 6 months with: Methadrol; Trenbolone; Super DMZ; Epi-Andro; Osta Rx. Now Growth (HGH)... I am 52 years old, and getting bigger than I was in my 30s and 40s. PH are the real deal, and still legal.

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