Monday, February 20, 2012

Thoughts about life, crap, training and stuff....and more on the Man Card

Well well well.........

In case you missed it, I wrote a piece about getting your man card back.  A lot of it was tongue in cheek, satire type stuff, with a little bit of truth mixed in.

This piece got me called an idiot, redneck, mouth breather, has been, and a neanderthal.

That's pretty fuckin awesome.  So I'll expound on this a little bit.

No one writes a "man article" to be an enabler for a pussy whipped beta male, to tell him he's justified in letting his girlfriend/wife hand him his ass.  You're pussy whipped.


Let's reference Urban Dictionary real quick to see what they have to say about it as well shall we?

1.pussy whipped3017 up344 down
(1) adj - situation whereupon a male is undeniably at the mercy of his high-maintinence girlfriend & answers to her every beck and call, usually followed by the reprioritizing of girlfriend over friends, family, school, food, water, and air. 
Pussy Whipped672 up279 down
You world blindly revolving around your woman.
Jeff's decisions are based on what his woman is doing. Ditching his boys her and forgetting what is important to him. He is SO pussy whipped!
5.pussy whipped497 up154 down
Where you give up everything so you can be with your woman. This means blowing off your buddies so you can spend the whole weekend at your girlfriends house, spending crap loads of money on Christmas, Birthdays, movies, dinner (even though you can't afford it) and being at her beckon call. What you once were is history, because you slowly become something else so you can met her expectations, because she usually is high matienance, demanding jewelry and designer clothes

There's a pretty common theme here don't you think?  It echos very similarly as to what I wrote.  Again, if you don't like this, then chances are, you are in fact pussy whipped.

I've been married for 16 years.  I'm still on my first marriage, fuck you very much.  I don't think there is anything more comical than a bunch of hippy blowhard pacifists that get railroaded up the turd cutter by every woman they date, telling me what makes a man, and what makes a relationship work.  If it offends you that my standards say you're a pussy whipped bitch, then you are.  You getting offended is validation that my words are true.

Sucks doesn't it?

Try getting the sand out of your vagina long enough to realize what I'm saying.

A great relationship is in fact, all about equality.  But men who get owned up and bossed around by their women, are not in an equal relationship.  In an equal relationship there is not a dictator.  If you want to hang out with your buddy, and your significant other pitches a bitch about it, and you cave and don't go, you're pussy whipped.  That's giving in to her wants, even though they run counterclockwise to yours.  And so long as your wants aren't violating the trust in the relationship or she's not dying of cancer (you get what I'm saying), then you are being dictated to, and you are allowing it.  You sir, are pussy whipped and are a "bitch enabler."  That is, you enable these bitches behavior.

These same women, have no problem going out all day shopping with their friends while you sit at home, or even keeping other men in their life to spend time with.  They call them their "guy friends."  The truth is, these guys are just orbiters who want to fuck your girl.  You know this, and you're just too much of a pussy to tell her to stop hanging out with these guys.  Especially when she dictates to you what you can and can't do, and when you can and can't do it. When one of said guys fucks her brains out, you don't have anyone to be mad at but yourself for being a spineless little bitch, and not laying down some rules that every woman should respect.  She banged him because she doesn't have a man at home, she has a dog on a leash.

Do you think she'd be ok with you spending lunch with a hot chic that is "just a friend"?  Fuck no (and let's get real, you just want to fuck said hot bitch too).

Shit, she won't even let you go have a guys night out.  I don't completely blame the women here.  It's dudes who stay with these women that are really the biggest problem.

I'm am not pulling these scenarios out of my ass.  They are based off of a large number of relationships I have friends in, and the bullshit I see these same pussy whipped guys going through.

If you don't like that, I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself and make some changes.

My article does in fact slam today's "man".  Today's "man" caters to his woman's every whim and way.  The dominant woman has become the norm in society, and the majority of them are bossy, arrogant, "can't tell me shit" bitches.

The reason, in my opinion, for this attitude is because we have few alpha males today, and lots of beta males for women to pick from and these beta males get run over from day one, and no real mutual respect is created.

Let me explain a little bit of physiology about this.  EVERY woman, especially in the beginning, will push buttons to see what it is she can get away with.  ALL OF THEM.

Here's a little story.

When the wife and I first started dating, she worked at a Smoothie King store.  One night she was working the later shift and my best friend and I were waiting in the back of the store until she got off work.  I heard the door chime ring, and I heard her go "Heeeeeyyyyyy!" in a very flirty tone.  My buddy looked at me with that "uh oh, who is that?" kinda look.

She then proceeded to flirt her ass off with this guy for about 10 minutes while my buddy cut eyes at me about it.  I was very embarrassed.  And pissed off.  Let me say up front I am not a jealous guy.  My wife can testify to this.  This wasn't about jealousy.  This was a new relationship and her being over the top flirty with some guy with my best friend in tow, was not acceptable.

After her shift was over we dropped my friend off at a club.  In the car I told her that she better not ever fucking embarrass me like that again.  She immediately popped off at the mouth to me about it, which I responded by punching my steering wheel in, and letting her know again, not to ever do that shit to me again.

My wife will tell you to this day, that was the moment when she knew she wouldn't boss me around or treat me like shit.  She will tell you that up until me, she had treated ALL of her previous boyfriends like shit, bossed them around, and ruled the roost.  And eventually she would lose respect and get bored of them, and break up with them.


It's in a woman's wiring to try and change a man or own a man, because it makes her feel femininely  empowered.  Women are wired to find a man and keep a man.  And it's easier to keep a man if you own him up.  Getting owned up, makes you pussy whipped.  Yes, it's that simple.

If you think that's misogynistic then you have your head up your girls ass (when it's not up your own).

My attitude is about EQUALITY.

My wife doesn't want a man she has to boss around.  And I don't boss her around.  The reason we've been together for this long is because we respect each other and support one another.  That is what equality is REALLY all about.  Respect, trust, love and support.

I believe very much in respecting your woman, and treating her like she is your long as she treats you like the king as well.

I don't see many kings in the relationship kingdom's anymore however.  I see a bunch of fools and paupers.  I know friends that go on vacation with their girlfriends, and she makes a fucking itinerary, and from the moment they get to their destination the whole time is filled with them running around, doing all the shit she planned for them to do.  My buddy always comes back exhausted, needing a vacation from his vacation.

"Why the fuck don't you just tell her no?"

"That's what she wants to do."

Fool.  Pauper.

Does this seem like equality?  Doesn't to me.  Here's a guy paying for an entire vacation, then gets dictated to by his woman, with what he will do on this vacation.  This is ownage.  But this is the norm now.

I have never once written to boss your woman, or act like an asshole, or run your relationship in a dictatorship fashion.  I have said to take back control of your life, and make sure your woman respects you, and that mutual respect is woven into the deepest fibers of the relationship.

This is not difficult to do, if you have some god damn respect for yourself.  No self respecting man gets dictated to by his woman day in and day out.  NONE.  The excuse of "it makes her happy" is complete and utter fucking bullshit.  It would make my kids happy if I fed them chocolate at every meal and never made them do their homework.  That shit ain't happening.

Respect yourself first, and expect respect in return from your lady.  Women want to feel loved, and men want to feel respected.  This should be a mutual handshaking of emotional commitment.  And when this is in balance, you will have a relationship built around respect for one another.  And then no one is getting bitched up like Ed Norton in the shower in American History X.

When someone writes a piece like this however, these pussy whipped assholes always cry and moan like babies.  It's because they want reinforcement that their taking it up the ass by their woman, is still somehow manly.  It's not.  It never will be.  No matter how many times you call me a mouth breather or a neanderthal.

Even if it becomes the standard.  There will still always be some real men left to write articles or tell you to your face, that you're a pussy whipped bitch.  And you will get all puffed up underneath your cotton turtleneck and think to yourself what a caveman that guy is.  But the fact is, he's just a man.  And you're just a little bitch.

Now go bake your woman some cookies and give her little dog a bath.


Ok enough about that shit!

Weekends can fuck your shit royally if you let them - 

This is something that has really made itself known to me for a while now.  If you want to derail the fuck out of your training, then don't respect your training and progress on the weekends.  What I mean by that is, you can totally fuck yourself from Friday to Sunday with poor eating and sleeping habits.  If your diet is tight all weekend, all it takes is some slippage on the weekends to make the whole week worthless.  I have a saying about me and alcohol.

When I drink, food is my ugly woman.

I don't get "beer goggles" when it comes to wimmiz.  Never have.  If you're ugly, you still look ugly to me even if I'm drunk.  But food?  Shiiiiieeeet.  I will blow a diet straight the fuck up after I get a buzz.  A month or so ago I had a couple of drinks at Houlihans and then proceeded to eat a whole tray of stuffed mushrooms, their biggest steak, and 5 desserts.  Yes, 5 mother fucker.  Afterwards we drove across the street to an On The Border (I shit you not) to eat nachos.

I woke up at 3 a.m., after the alcohol numbness wore off, and I felt as if my stomach were going to burst.  I ended up having to get up and go walk Buster for about 45 minutes before the pain would subside.  I ate shitty the next day too.  Why?  Lack of focus.  Everyone loses it sometimes.  I'm human just like the next whore.

If I were in a weight gain at all cost mode, this would be excellent.  Except for one thing, the lack of sleep.  Which is my next point.

You grow and recover when you are sleeping.  If you spend the weekend barely sleeping, when are you recovering?  Second, sleep that occurs before midnight is worth twice as much sleep that occurs after midnight.  So if you are really serious about training progress, treat the weekend as you would the work week.  I'm not saying you can't have a life.  But don't curtail the whole week of training and eating by fucking up all weekend.  Those two days can take days to recover from.  So half the week sucks in terms of training, and then the next weekend you take 2 more steps backwards.

Animal Paks - Worth the money - 

So there is some fuckin combination of eboli and mutabi virus going around and everyone is hacking and throwing up and they all sound like an 85 year old woman that has been drinking crown and smoking camel unfiltered for the last 4 decades.

I am not sponsored (duh!) by Universal, nor do I get shit for writing this but I can say, I haven't been sick since I started taking these Animal Packs about 8 months ago.  I didn't put much stock into until my wife, who has been sick as well, told me that a guy she works with told her he hadn't been sick either, but that he takes the same shit.

So I got to looking around, and there are lots of guys who have written this same thing.  I refuse to believe I'm just lucky.  I've been around people that sound like Doc Holiday for weeks now.  Including my wife.  Nothing.  Nada.  Good to go.  I did feel kind of achy one day, but that was it.  I generally get sick as fuck at least once a winter too.  But not since I started taking this shit.  I'm a believer.  And I'm not a big supplement believer guy.  But I honestly believe this shit makes a difference.

Finding your mojo again - 

I spoke to a good friend a while back.  He had been on a long tear of bad ass training, did a meet, and then of course fell off the cliff.

He didn't feel like training, or at least, training sucked balls.  He was still going in and trying to do all the shit he had been doing for months and months, after setting PR after PR.

I've talked about this ad nauseam.

You can't be your strongest ALL the time.  It's something you can hold for a short period after you cycle up properly.  The rest of your time you're either climbing up that hill, at the peak, or leveling off from it.  That's it. That's your whole training life, unless you're just training to maintain.  And that should really be left for really really old timers.

So anyway, I told him to go in and leg press, do smith machine presses, and basically anything he wanted to do that seemed "fun".  Put on 5 plates on the leg press and do sets of 50.  Try to beat that each week.  Do shit that everyone says is "gay".  Why?  Because it's easy and fun.  And do reps.  He had been doing tons and tons of singles and triples forever.  What was needed, was a complete change of pace.

How long?

Until the yearning for the big shit comes back again.  Who cares how long that is.  You can still make training fun and productive doing machines and such.  Andy Bolton says he doesn't squat for over a month after a meet.  Generally after a meet, or after months and months of that kind of training, you need a break.  Don't beat yourself up over taking one.  Doing fun shit will help you get your mojo back.

Putting my money where my mouth is.....again and again - Training beginners

So I've been asked a lot about how I would do shit if I could start all over again, and of course the generic answer is always "squat, bench, pull, etc".  Which is true.  Kind of.  I have been lucky enough to have a kid old enough to train, that wants to train, and will be doing the April meet with me.  She's been training with me for a few months now, and I was able to actively put this scenario into action.  This is going to be a whole chapter in the book, and it's actually quite different than you might think.

In fact, VERY different than you might think because once I was asked to train my own kid, I did a LOT of things different than I thought I would.  And by God, did it fucking work.

How about a 13 year old 105 pound girl smoking two sets of doubles with 135 on deadlifts the FIRST TIME she ever tried them, because of the effectiveness of the training leading up to that?

How about going from not being able to squat the bar for a triple to squatting 95 pounds in a few weeks?

Not being able to do a chin up to doing a shit ton of triples and a PR set of 7?

We're talking about a 13 year old girl here that weighed 98 pounds at 5'6" here.

Honestly, I wish this were my full time job because I have no doubt some of the stuff I could do with beginners would be fairly amazing.  The biggest issue is, frequency.  Training almost everyday has been the norm, and is what I knew would work best.  I always thought it would in theory for certain reasons, but it works even far better than I thought it would.  All of the anecdotal evidence I had seen, and the theories I believed were put to the test, and shit flat out works.

Again, I want this to be a cradle to grave book.  You should be able to pick this book up before you ever set foot in a gym, and have use for it through your whole training life.  It's been exciting as hell for to me write, and I'm trying to pour every ounce of anything I've ever learned, or am learning, into it.  Not just about training, but about life and the mistakes I've made and lessons I've learned.

I'm really excited about what I've been able to put into action here, and all of the reasons I did it the way I did it, are actually quite different than you might think.  Beginners need more volume and frequency than advanced trainers do.  This runs kind of counter to most of the thinking about beginner training you read about.  Usually it's three times a week, lower volume, etc.  I believe, and have a for while, that this is wrong.  That beginners will make the fastest progress with lots of volume and frequency because they can't stress their recovery system very much.  And most of their strength increases are neurologically and motor pattern movement related.  Sure, they build muscle and get stronger, but the big jumps in strength are usually do to an increase in efficiency in the movement.  You can get a beginner stronger MUCH faster by taking advantage of this.

I'm off today.  So Monday does not suck.


  1. I cheated on sunday, tuesday, thurs, fri last week... and the demons are back today

  2. Really solid post, Paul.

    Keep them coming with your thoughts on being a man in relationships. On the net there's too much stuff about making a relationship work by being effeminate or pretending to be someone you're not so they're attracted to you. So many dudes are completely out of touch with who they really are and how men are naturally supposed to behave, it's ridiculous.

  3. I cheated all weekend as well, and I'm feeling it today. Gotta get my shit straight as well.

    Damn right Rob.

  4. That's some quality friggin' work right there. Always love reading the "Thoughts..." posts. Thanks Paul!

  5. Amen on the realtionship stuff. I see the exact same situations with some of my good friends and its frustrating to watch.

    Regarding the training needs of novices vs. advanced I agree that many people seem to have it backwards. I always read people talking about how advanced trainees require higher volume to achieve an adaptation, but this makes no sense to me. Why would you need higher volume if your advanced and the weights your moving on a regular basis are waaaayyy heavier than what someone would be moving at a novice level? Considering that an intermediate or advanced trainee is moving heaier weights than a novice, it makes more sense that they would typically need more time to recover. It also makes sense that as a novice, recovery time from a squat session of 200 lbs is not going to take as long as a session with a 450 lb squat.

    I found this to be true because I could not get my numbers to move up for over 6 months untill i finally stopped being so hard headed and REDUCED my volume. Ive been hitting PR's on the reg ever since.


  6. paul carter your posts are fucking hilarious/all of the above. fuck everybody were winning. keep the nice posts coming.

  7. Oh man did the part about getting destroyed over the weekend ring true. I swear 3 out of 4 weeks it seems like I do great on the week, only to be crushed Fri-Sun.

  8. Drew - So true. Going to cover this more in depth in the book.

    Sol - I've gotten destroyed the last two weekends diet wise and I'm paying for it today. Shit is going to be in order for the next two weeks no matter what.

  9. So, this wasn't specifically mentioned in your post, but since it relates to training novices, I thought I'd ask anyways. Though I'm guessing such wasn't the case for your daughter, what would you do with the light weight novice who has some at least noticeable excess body fat? You know, the oft-asked "skinny fat" question. Get them super lean first, or emphasize the strength/muscle increases that come from training and get them into a more normal for their size weight? Not sure if you've written about this before or not.


  10. I'm going to go ahead and say I loved the first man card piece. I was pretty surprised to hear that there was some backlash about it. I think it's really a symptom of a deeper problem, which is the total demasculination (is that even a word?) of guys today.

    On a separate note, I want to ask you a bench question. I think my limiting factor is my wrists. When I fail, it's right off the chest. I used to think that meant I was weak off the chest. While this may be true, what I found out was really happening is that, when I try to change direction, there is a lot of force coming from my arms, and it doesn't make it to the bar because my wrists bend a little. I do use wraps, and I crank that shit down until my fingers are white, but does this sound like a reasonable diagnosis? If so, should I try to fix this not by changing my pressing programming, but instead by trying to make my wrists stiffer?

  11. Andrew - With a novice that is "skinny-fat" just train and eat properly. I know that seems like a generic answer, but eventually the body will composition itself over time if things are done properly. A novice that is doing conditioning, lifting, and eating properly (clean foods) will eventually have the "form" created by those functions. The big requirement there is patience.

    Justin - Get the bar more in the palm of your hand. So try to get the bar closer down near the wrist. Then try to think about making a fist at the ceiling and holding that technique. Let me know if this works for you.

  12. Whatever happened to doctor-patient confidentiality, fucker? I'm back to squatting today... I can't take it anymore, haha.

    As to the initial bit, truer words are rarely spoken- motherfuckers need to find their balls and learn how to tell a broad "no" again.

  13. LOL! That was as much a reminder for me as it was for you brother man. I have to remind myself after too many months of heavy shit to have fun again as well.

    The only time these guys tell their woman "no" is when she tells them it's ok to.

  14. Paul,
    Killer site man. Your work is concise and fun to read. I take everything I read with a grain of salt, and people who don't do this are called "dip shits".

    That being said, I am a lifting SPAZ. I at 23 years of age I am a mega pussy when it comes to lifting heavy shit. In short I will use this word to describe myself. IMPATIENT.

    I think you lay down a lot of good advise, and I am going to follow it.

    After spazzing on a lot of olympic lifting and shitty squatting I have begun to focus on flexibility. Also, I think way too much, and I am pursuing Med School so I honestly wanna be effective in the weight room. For that reason I have committed to doing 5-3-1 with a boring but big template. I took .9 of my .9 to start.

    Hopefully, I can start learning from you, and avoid another couple years of lackluster lifting before I "get it".

    Keep up the good work.


  15. This just keeps getting better, Paul.

    Sadly, for some reason it seems our society wants men to be a bunch of docile pussies. Just look at all the American sitcoms. They are all full of stupid, fat males who are incompetent in all they do and their wives are hot, rationale, successful, and they run the show.

  16. David - Big picture man. Don't be impatient because it's not coming at the rate you want. Think "lifelong lifter", not "daily hero."

    Damn I just made that up on the spot, and it's good.

    Put your focus into med school. That's where your money maker is.

    Abe - Sitcoms are the worst. What sitcom has a guy on it that you would define as a "man"? I mean I love Seinfeld, but the episode where Kramer is supposed to watch over the furniture for Elaine and it gets stolen right in front of him by "street toughs" is today's "man" in a microcosm.

  17. This article is why I love my man so much! What is sexier than a real man? Nothing! :-)

  18. agree 100 percent on the animal pak. been takin that shit for a year now and have never gotten sick, usually i'm good for one nasty illness per winter. not missing a week of training is so worth it

  19. Sorry, I still ain't buyin' the shtick. You're still full of crap.

  20. Oh snap, Mrs. Carter even dropping in on this one

  21. Oh yeah, Solgar multivitamins are the shit too. One of the highest absorption rates/no synthetic fillers and have been around since the stone age. Highly recommend them.

    I've noticed a lot of lifters don't give a shit about vitamins/minerals, but you'd be amazed if you had a nutrient analysis done. I've been lifting for about 6 years and have a diet that consists of a wide variety of veggies, fruits, meats, nuts etc. and still came up deficient in about 10-12 things on a nutrient analysis of my white and red blood cells (23 years old btw). Micronutrients are no joke and are the foundation of any athlete...dont skimp on them. I did for years and after keeping up on my vitamins/minerals, I'm amazed at how much less I get sick and how much better I feel day to day.

  22. Same here. I try to make sure my vegetable intake is high all the time, even if I'm doing mostly shakes.

  23. The irony of someone telling you ANONYMOUSLY that you're full of crap is priceless.

    Too many dudes seem to give too much of a shit about what other people think about them and consequently adjust their behavior with other people's opinions as the kernel. There's a big difference between being a strong, resolute male and being a fucking asshole. If you're taking care of business, sometimes someone else might think you're being an asshole. Big fucking deal. Many times, strength IS displayed with silence, patience, and gentleness. Other times, shit gets snapped right the fuck up and faces get knuckledusted. We're mired in a generational wasteland where vast swaths of dudes had shitty or absent fathers and instead got a healthy dose of Hollywood and defunded public schools and they think the only way to make sure no dudes think they're assholes and that as many women as possible like them is to just shut the fuck up and be "nice."

    Also, I second the Animal Pak loyalty. I rarely get sick in the first place, but I've been taking those for quite a while now, and even if they're not directly responsible for me always sailing unscathed through the recurring shitclouds of pestilent dropsy or whatever the fuck lesser people seem to be infecting each other with, I definitely just feel better in general when taking them. I also rock the Flex paks and add a shitload of curcumin, that shit is like a synovial cocktail injected right into my joints.

  24. I use the flex packs as well. They work wonderfully.

  25. All your relationship advice is pointless until everyone comes out the closet and admits neanderthals are fucking jawsome.

    1. I have come to the conclusion that neanderthal is used in a context today, by Prius driving vegetarian cock smokers that think Chaz Bono is a hero.

  26. Did you have to bring up that shower scene in American History X? That shit makes me cringe every time