Friday, February 17, 2012

Getting your man card back

I went to St. Louis yesterday for work.  Long ass day, but had a lot of time to spend with a friend and talk about various shit going on in our life and in the world, or our perception of it.

One of the subjects we discussed was our current generation of males, and what a sad state we are in.

Most men I see today have become domesticated.  Owned up by their women/girlfriends, pussy whipped, fat and out of shape, or skinny and out of shape.  Pacifists who give too much of a shit about politics, not enough about disciplining their children, and not enough about being a leader in their house/home/life.

You may or may not be one of these clowns.  If you aren't, you most definitely know one.

The guy that leaves in the middle of a night of buds hanging out, because his wife/gf texted him.  He's the "I gotta go" guy.

/checks phone....sees text from battle axe/

"I gotta go guys."

Yeah that guy.

This is also the same guy that has kids that act like they have been living in the wilderness when and the battle axe brings them over to your house.  They have no respect for your home, they are loud as Hyena's fucking, and you get to watch him and the battle axe barter for them to "be nice".  They "don't spank" because that's "child abuse" and "we don't hit our kids".

This guy has never been hunting, or doesn't care for it.  "Just don't see the point in it." he says.

If sex ever comes up, in a serious way, he's not banging it out with the wife/gf but once a week or so.  He talks about it the same way he talks about rotating the tires on his Stratus or changing the oil.  A mundane task that has to be done.  Not something that seems to get his blood pumping.

This is a sad existence.

A while back I wrote a piece about how to how to lose your man card.  If your test levels have bottomed out and you find yourself washing your wife or gf's toy dog for her on the weekend, then maybe it's time to rearrange some shit.

Let's talk about it.

Go hunting - 

Please spare me your animal loving bullshit here.  I love my dogs and cats and all that shit too.  But we are STILL hunter gatherers.  Notice how "hunter" comes first there?

Get out, and go kill an animal to eat.  This is one of the very basic instincts you have, that has been fucked out of you by our tree hugging society.

"Don't kill bambi!"

Go fuck your own face.

How do you think you got here?  Your ancestors killed animals, and then ate them.  Get back in touch with your primal self by learning how to shoot a gun, how to field dress an animal, skin it, then eat it.  You can cook it first, my bad.

Or not, that's even manlier.

I don't care if you kill a deer, or a moose, or a squirrel, or a rabbit.  I don't care how you kill it.  You can shoot it, or jump out of a god damn tree with a spear like Rambo.  Just kill something that is made out of meat, that you intent to eat.

It's hard to get much more primal than this

This is the essence of part of your male wiring.

But for a lot of men it has been driven out of them by society.  This is not a "turn into a caveman" rant.  This is a "find your inner warrior lost manliness" rant.  Developing your primal self through actually hunting and making a kill for food is day 1 man shit.  Yes I know, you can go to a fucking MacDonald's on the corner and get "meat".  Don't be an asshole, try to understand what I'm getting at here.

Do a survival camp out - 

Being in IT, I work with nerds everyday.  For years I tried to get them to go with me on a weekend bare bones camp out.  I only had two guys that would kind of agree.  Basically, pack enough stuff for a breakfast the next morning, and that's about it.  You can even combine this with your hunting expedition, and that's even cooler.  That's what we had planned.  The ones that flat out said no, were exactly the kind of domesticated pussies I'm writing about here.  No balls, and owned up by their women.  No desire to live life in an uncomfortable manner for more than a couple of minutes.

Bring a knife, some fishing line and hooks, and a sleeping bag.  That's it.  Spend some months researching how to build a shelter (off the ground), learn how to make fire without a Zippo.  You don't have to go out and do this for a week, though I have and it sucked thoroughly.  My neighbor does it yearly in Colorado Moose hunting.  I hate him for not taking me, but apparently it's some long standing tradition between him and his old friends.  Which is cool, and I can respect that.

Put yourself out of your domestic shelter for a weekend or so.  You (probably) won't die, and you'll have some awesome fuckin stories to tell.  Just avoid anyone in the woods that asks you to squeal like a pig.

Get in shape and quit drinking so much god damn beer - 

I haven't had a beer rant in a while, so it's time.

Yes I hate beer.  I don't get the god damn obsession with it.  It tastes like shit, fills you up, and makes everyone I know that drinks it regularly, look like everyone I know that drinks it.  Namely, fat and shitty.  Bloated face, big gut.  Pretty non-fucking manly.

I also love when little bitches who read my rant about it, throw a little-bitch bitch fit about it.  Your function creates your form.  If you're packing a beer gut and are fat, maybe it's time you change some things in your habits?  Ever notice when they want to cast a bad ass mother fucker in a movie, that's supposed to whip people's asses like it's his job, that he's in shape?  When they made 300 did they ask Gerard Butler to get a fat gut for his role as one of the baddest mother fuckers of all time, or did they ask him to get chiseled?

Ever notice that Roy "Big Country" Nelson is kind of a comedy act in MMA?  Also notice, that he's lost 3 of his last 4 fights and 5 of his last 8?  Heh.

Chalk up another "L"

If Roy got his fat ass in shape, and dropped to 205 he would probably be one of the better 205 guys out there.  Ever notice most of the best fighters are in bad ass mother fucking shape?  Yeah.  Thought so.

You really have no reason to be fat.  None.  Be strong, be in shape.  I know way too many strong as a bull lifters that are in shape and lean.  And a lot of lifters I know that are fat, tend to be heavy beer drinkers.  Cut the beer out and get your fat ass into shape.  Train like you're going to have to fight Alistair Overeem in 8 weeks and see how that frame of mind changes you.  

Or sit back behind your computer on an internet message board and make jokes about people who lift and run and are in shape because you don't have the stones to be.

I need to ask this question more.....

Change your relationship attitude - 

Quit getting bossed around like a bitch.  Period.

A friend of mine recently went through this shit.  He had been dating this girl for a while, and was getting pretty owned up in the relationship.  Her dogs were shitting all over his carpet, he wasn't getting sex like he wanted, and she was dictating everything that was going on in the relationship.  He told me that this was a problem in his former relationship.  Literally, that he "didn't have any balls" when it came to telling his women, what was what.  He told me that she still hung out with her ex boyfriends, and that shit made him mad as hell.  But he wouldn't tell her to stop.

I told him to fucking grow a pair.  To either break it off, or lay down the law.  And to quit running to her beck and call all the time.  Be a fucking man, don't get owned up like you're a second class citizen.  If she didn't like it, she'd leave and problem solved.

So he did.  And they broke up.  And a week later she came calling for him back.  And he laid down some ground rules about what was cool and what wasn't.  Since then he's told me their relationship has been awesome, and she's respected all the things he asked of her.  He even gets to hang out with his friends again (GASP!) without her permission.

Don't be this guy.  We all know this guy, or you may be this guy.  Guys do this because they have become desperate.  They have trouble finding a girl or getting a girl.  So when they get one, they hold on for dear life and do everything she asks.  This is fucking pathetic.  The best thing about a hot chic?  There's two more right behind her.

Your girl is replaceable if she sucks.  She definitely should be replaced if she isn't sucking enough.

If you're getting owned up in your current relationship and you're miserable about it, grow a pair of balls and do something about it.  Be a man.  Be a leader.  Don't be led.

I'm not telling you to you need to treat your woman like shit.  I'm saying, if you treat her like a Queen, and she treats you like the Fool, you need to find a way to get your crown back.

Make time for YOUR friends - 

I had my birthday party last month, and over 30 people showed up.  It might seem shallow on the surface, but I thought that was a pretty good indicator of the kind of friend I've been.  If people don't like you, they don't spend 9 hours making you a cake, show up with $50 and $100 bottles of liquor and stay until 3 in the morning.

This isn't a "look at how awesome I am" newsflash from the city.  I make this point because, when people show up to celebrate your birthday, it's some type of indication that you have been significant in their life in a positive way.

I take friendship very seriously.  More than most I think.  Get back to some basic male bonding with your good friends.  And no, that term is not gay.  If you want to use a different term, go ahead.  But I want to steal from wiki here since I think it lays it out pretty nicely.........

Male bonding is a term that is used in ethology, social science, and in general usage to describe patterns of friendship and/or cooperation in men (or, in the case of ethology, males of various species). The exact meaning of the term differs across contexts.
In the context of human relationships, male bonding is used to describe friendship between men, or the way in which men befriend each other. The expression is sometimes used synonymously with the word camaraderie. Friendships among men are often primarily based on shared activities and ambitions, instead of emotional sharing (which is common of women's friendships). This can include playing musical instruments, video games, business ventures, creative endeavors, journeys, quests, sporting activities, fishing, hunting, camping,gambling, social drinking, or working with tools. 

So if you haven't spent some time with your buds lately doing fun male shit, make time for it.  Play some Call of Duty, watch the fights, eat a bunch of meat from the animal that you killed and play Slayer really loud until 3 in the morning.

Lastly, have an awesome weekend - 

If you can't laugh at these bits then you are a whore, and deserved to be treated like one.

I hope everyone does something awesome and worth talking about this weekend.

Lift Run Bang mother fuckers.


  1. This post was fucking spot on man. I also work with computers (for now) and I see these people everywhere, try to bring up shit like this but they don't get it.

    Definitely agree with you on hunting! I haven't gone yet but I'm ITCHING to. Luckily a friend of mine has some land we're planning on hitting it up next season.

    I've got some other possible candidates for the man card activity list:
    Wood working
    Martial arts
    Flying planes

    Anyway I just found this blog the other day and I'm loving it. I've already whored it out to a shit ton of people. Thanks man.

  2. Great post, Paul. I will be forwarding it to a few, well, men is too strong of a word. We'll say "guys." I really enjoy splitting firewood by myself or with other guys. Swinging an axe and destroying something feels pretty damn manly. And the using that wood gained from all the blood and sweat to keep warm gives you a good feeling inside. I will actually be hunting this year and am excited about it. We farm all our own vegetables in the summer so I'm pretty used to the gatherer thing. Hunting should be a blast. Also, already have plans for a minimalist camping trip.

    On the topic of Roy Nelson, I know he has slimmed down from what he came into the UFC at. The man does have an awesome chin and I'm sure he has power in his hands but I agree that even at his current "slimmer" weight he's still too big. I think of Pat Barry, who fights at heavyweight, and is a little pudgy sometimes but nowhere NEAR where Roy is.

    Anyway, good stuff. I always enjoy reading it.

  3. Holy fuck! What an awesome article. My coworker and I discussed the topic of feminization of the male side of the species the other day.

    It seems to start at an early stage now. Boys aren't allowed to be boys anymore. They get blasted on a daily basis to be pacifists and if they do act out they get prescribed medication. Sad state of affairs.

    On the same token I've noticed females all through their 20's having an attraction to what we would call "metro-sexuals." Still haven't figured that out.

    I guess I'm very fortunate to have a good woman. She likes hunting, guns, going to the gym, and is supportive of everything I do. She is independent but knows when it's time for me to take charge. There is something to be said about the quote, "beside every great man is a good woman."

    If you are ever in St. Louis for an extended period of time and need a place to train I know a great dungeon powerlifting/stronman gym to train at. It's where I train and we have some big lifters there.

    - Tim

  4. good shit paul haha

  5. Killing animals for sport = corny. Stepping in the cage or ring with another man ready for war = as primal as it gets

  6. In the last 3 months I have inadvertently done everything on this list except camp and hunt.

    Called a buddy of mine and it looks like I will be going to the Nebraska wild in the fall.

    Thanks for the motivation!

  7. Tim - the next time I'm in town I will def hit you up.

  8. Josiah - Thanks for the support man!

  9. Well time to own up I guess. I got the hunting/eating part, got the lifting and kinda in shape part (I could be leaner), I also have the standing up and telling my wife how I feel part. the rest I dont and before mid-point last year I was cool with or just in denial. Now it pisses me the fuck off. Like my wife is never ok with me hanging out with friends, in fact that has lead to me having an amazing grand total of ZERO irl friends. yep. ZERO. My best friend moved to seattle about a year ago. And everyone has either moved as well or hate my wife. This is not a "look at me i am sad fuck comfort me" comment. Its more of a declaration to shape the rest of my fucking life up. Like my wife at times is just an anti-social bitch 90 out of 100 times and has very few friends outside of work friends (who she only text and RARELY sees outside of work). Thank you Paul. I need to stop being "that guy", now I just need to figure out how to make new dude friends. Haha.

    (this felt good to admit, sorry for the wall of text)

  10. Paul my girl is supportive of my lifting and lifestyle, but doesn't hit the gym very often herself and doesn't like me possibly upgrading to the good "supplements" because of legality issues and the possibility of getting some dangerous/bunk shit on the UG. What would you do in this situation? (Yeah I just turned this shit into a dear abby column)

  11. Anonymous - Sometimes it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

    And sometimes it's better to keep this kinda stuff from your GF. But that's up to you dawg. No one gets to live your life but you man.

  12. Well-timed post Paul. I've been putting up with too much shit from my girlfriend lately. Time to get shit handled.

  13. Your girl is replaceable if she sucks. She definitely should be replaced if she isn't sucking enough. - comepletely agree

    amen paul way to preach to the choir, cheers!

  14. Interesting article. All I would like to contribute is that to my mind the most important part of "being a man" just means following your heart/guts/instincts. I used to read a lot of Men's Movement books and a lot of Pick-up and sex/evolution books, and that's the one thing that consistently comes through.
    I don't think you can just make a redneck list of a bunch of specific 'man' things that qualify a male. My list would be something like: Protect and provide for your loved ones, be strong, work hard, fuck hard, eat. Respect yourself and others.
    I don't think you need to drive a Hummer or skin some baby seals to be tough. It's a state of mind/being/self, by my definition the most un-manly thing someone can do is to blindly follow a 'list' of what to do.
    love ya guts, Paul.

  15. If some people can't get satire that's not my fault.....this article is not supposed to be taken THAT seriously. However if it does cause some introspection by some guys, then so be it.

    My list of REAL qualities that make a mam, in my opinion, will be in the book. They look very similar to your list as well.

  16. What is your current height and weight Paul?

  17. 5'11" 240

    hazel eyes

    size 13 shoe

    I like cosmopolitans, long walks on the beach, and convertibles

  18. Personally, I think driving a hummer and skinning baby seals is ESSENTIAL to being tough.

  19. Only whilst having your taint licked by two pornstars. Then it's tough. Otherwise, just ok.

  20. I agree mostly with the beer thing, with the exception of Guinness. That shit defies the mediocrity of beer.

  21. I actually do drink Guinness, if I am going to drink a "beer". That's good shit.

  22. There's a newsflash.


    1. you don't get satire

    2. bringing up being pussy whips lands too close to home for you

  23. Great article Paul, we were just talking about this at the fire hall yesterday. How it seems every movie or tv show has some "90lb. chick" kicking everyones ass, or telling the "dumb" men how to do something, or my favorite is a group of say Navy Seals are loosing their shit and the "90lb chick" saves the day. Men aren't doing shit like hunting, chopping down trees, or restoring cars, they just want to sit and drink their soda and watch it on t.v. That's of course if Glee isn't on. And watch if your little boy wants to run around, thow a football, wrestle or play guns with the other kids, that means that we have to give them some drugs because they must have ADHD or some shit. We are druging our young Alpha males because society is to lazy to work with them. I have two small children, a boy and girl, and they both think it is great that I hunt. They are learning how much work it is to take responsibilty for where your food comes from, they are also learning respect for wildlife and nature as well. Does that sound bad to you? I think more people should put down their McBurger and learn about their food. Damn, sorry about the rant, your article just fired me up! Time to go lift up something heavy then put it down then lift it up again. Thanks for the great blog and looking forward to getting your book when it is complete. - Dave

  24. Another pet peeve of mine. I think the attitude we see in today's male has been permeated by the movie industry and hollywood as well. It's now fashionable to be the nerdy loser who needs a woman to "save the day". Men now think it's perfectly fine to be bossed around by their woman.

    Being an alpha male is no longer in style. We have become a nation that puts feminine empowerment at the forefront. Male dominance is seen as misogynistic. It's sad.

  25. Paul,

    I get a kick out of these articles when you post them up. And, as you said, if people don't get the satire, then fuck em'. I said it before in your last rant about manliness, I lost my man card a long time ago! I admit it, I gladly admit it. I am as WHIPPED as they come, and if my wife called me and asked me to come home, I would be there quick. Not cause I am desperate, but cause I love her and I love our 4 kids. However...she would never ask me to come home.

    I hunt, I fish, I cut and split wood to heat my house, I work with wood, fix shit, do home improvements, have a Big Dog Chopper, drink a cold beer, and have a chaw of Redman every now and then. I can trap, skin animals, smoke meat, cure meat, butcher a deer.

    I also bring my wife flowers, make sure my kids have what they need, know right from wrong, and act appropriately at all times.

    Why am I whipped? Cause my wife makes me every meal, cleans our house from top to bottom, does the laundry for 6 people, does all the shopping, makes sure I have all my vitamins and supplements, and also fishes, hunts, splits wood, drinks flavored vodka, rides bitch on my bike, stands up for herself, changes shitty diapers, pays all the bills, handles all the accounts, etc.

    I am whipped cause I have the greatest woman in the world, and time spent with her far outweighs any time spent with my friends. Period.

  26. Rick - if my wife called me and asked me to come home, I would be there quick. Not cause I am desperate, but cause I love her and I love our 4 kids. However...she would never ask me to come home.

    I think this sums up my marriage perfectly as well. If my wife asked me to come home, which she never has, it would mean she really needed me to.

    And you're not whipped. You have a wife you love and respect, and that loves and respects you. It's a partnership.

    You can only be whipped when you enable a woman to dictate the relationship on her terms.

    That's something a lot of these butt pussies don't get. A relationship of equal footing never has a dictator.

  27. Great post Paul! I laughed pretty hard a few times while reading this. I actually didn't realize you lived so close to me (I'm in Lawrence) until a few weeks ago. I'm mostly a grip nerd but if you ever want to hook up for a training session or want to borrow some grip equipment just let me know. You probably don't put much stock in grippers and some of the other grip training since it has little to offer with your specific goals. But it sure can be fun doing gripper work and Axle and Rolling Thunder training. Plus I have one of the brand new Stronger Grip Modular Plateau Busters and they kick ass for heavy one hand deadlifts and swings.

    Ben Edwards

  28. That's cool Ben. I think grip stuff is cool actually. Kinda like ab work, I know how important it is but don't seem to fit it in, even though I should.

    There's actually quite a few people that read my blog that live in this area. Maybe one day I will have to throw a LRB bar-b-q or something.

  29. Paul,
    I want to commend you on what was an AWESOME fucking post. I came to your blog from reddit(where I expect to see an equally awesome AMA later on).

    I also sent it to all of my friends.

    Thanks again!

  30. great article bro!
    can't recommend lifting heavy things and hunting enough. I feel much better, happier and stronger when my diet is mostly game critters

    I hope a large number of men read your post and follow your suggestions

    1. Seems like just as many have whined like little bitches about it, but hey, that's what separates the wheat from the chaff.